Friday the 13th (aka The Podcast Post)

On an auspicious day such as today, it feels wrong not to write a post. Similar to the feeling one gets when not ordering popcorn at the movies; maybe you don't really want to, but it's a requirement. All of which is basically to say that this post doesn't particularly have to do with anything.

But wait! I spoke too soon!

Tonight's post is about podcasts. To be more specific, a podcast that I am a huge fan of (and if you are a fan of Chocolate Needed, one that you should be a fan of, too). The most hilarious podcast in existence, it beats Ask a Ninja 10 times out of 10, involves people's odd, embarrassing, and just plain weird secrets, advice in response to said secrets, and the three attractive voices of three attractive guys from Seattle. What's possibly not to like?

I would be referring, of course, to Kiss and Tell, the best podcast in the entire world. It's not a "chick podcast," or a "guy podcast;" it's got something for everybody, seeing as the people behind it are male and the secrets and responses have humor potential for anyone. Basically, people go to their website and submit anonymous secrets. About anything. If they're any good, they read them on their show, answer questions that might have been asked, and analyze the people in the nicest, least judgmental way possible. They're amazing.

And I am very shamelessly promoting them.

www.kissandtellcast.com

As well as making me literally laugh out loud (embarrassingly) in public, this podcast has inspired me. The very anonymity of these secrets makes it so very appealing to submit them; after all, what's to lose? They get over ten to discuss every week. Can you imagine if I had that many questions to answer? It would be ridiculous. It would also, however, be more entertaining than getting zero questions. And I have a theory about this: there isn't a way for people to conveniently, anonymously ask anything. E-mail is not anonymous, or very convenient, so why would anybody send in a question?

My goal is to somehow get an ask box. And start a podcast. The last bit might be unnecessary, but hey; podcasts are fun. And easier to promote, since there's no iTunes section for blogs (yet).

But to wrap up this sloppy thought-train, go to iTunes and subscribe to Kiss and Tell. It's free, and fun, and your life will be better after you listen to Scott, Maré, and Cory for an hour. I promise. And let me know somehow about the whole podcast thing... good idea?


May Jason not hunt you down this day or any Friday the 13th hereafter. 

Term: Contentment

Contentment: the experience of satisfaction and being at ease in one's situation.

Sometimes, being single is nice. It's nice not to have to worry about all that hassle that comes with relationships. Not that being single means you don't have someone in mind, but the best kind of single is the kind with absolute contentment; you're not obsessing, you're not even really contemplating - you're just letting what happens, happen.

And so maybe you DO have an idea about someone.

That, however, does not mean you can't be content. If contentment is happiness with your situation in life, contentment with being single means you don't really know if things will happen with that person, or if it's even POSSIBLE for things to happen with that person, but you do know you're happy.

And how do you achieve this? By realizing that life is just a series of moments.

Years from now, you won't remember exactly how this person looks (unless, on the off chance things go really well, you've married them), and you won't remember the days you spent thinking of them, or the hours that you spent in their presence. What you will remember are certain moments that stood out; moments like a special smile just for you, or a joke told perfectly, or the sun on the bright green grass that the two of you sat on. These moments may have nothing to do with any romantic intention, but they'll stand out in their own, unique ways, and they'll bring you happiness.

Remembering this can help to put obsession and distress on a shelf that you never visit, and remind you that although things might not be the way you'd prefer them to be, they're still pretty damn awesome.

And if those moments will bring you happiness in the future, they'll bring it to you now, too.

Wishing you much contentment,

Commitment, a la "I Do."

There is a long-standing debate about whether or not commitment is a part of human nature.

From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense to argue that it's not. After all, is populating the world with lots of humans something that is best done with exclusivity? Perhaps not.

Of course, one can also argue that it's unnatural merely based on the seeming inability of many to stay committed to people they say "I do" to further on down the road. And yes, I am aware of the people who are married faithfully for many, many years, and have lovely lives. I am extremely happy for them, and hope to be able to have a life like that someday myself.

Unfortunately, I'm also aware of the people to whom marriage isn't much of a commitment at all. Despite the family and friends who are invited to the ceremony, despite the money spent on the dress, reception, and honeymoon, despite everything being thought through so carefully, marriage is often easily tossed aside when times become too hard, or the two involved realize their differences outnumber their similarities. Two people who once claimed to love each other and promised to do so till death did them part, part instead with half of what they owned together, less money in their pockets than they had before, and more often than not, ill feelings to the other member of the now dissolute union.

Now I personally am a bit torn on the subject of marriage. I understand why divorce is the only answer for some couples, and I'd hate to think of anyone deprived of happiness or real love by being stuck in a relationship that is the equivalent of an emotional black hole. However, I also feel that if "till death do us part" is something so lightly entered into, and so easily dissolved, then marriage loses its purpose and significance. If we can't even stay committed when we commit ourselves to the highest level of romantic commitment possible in the legal and religious world, then what CAN we commit to in a relationship?

If people don't take their vows seriously, then what are vows for?

If people can be so very convinced of their love for someone that they go through the hassle of marrying them, only to end up "falling out of love," then how can you know when someone loves you in a way that will last, or you them?

When almost half of all marriages end in divorce, what's the point in getting married when your likelihood to stay together is merely the luck of the draw? (And that's a recent statistic, mind you.)

Troublingly enough, there's no real answer to that question, at least that I'm aware of. But it IS food for thought.

Nothing's Sweeter than Sabotage

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something, and then go about making sure it doesn't happen."  -Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby WARNING: This post doesn't really try to explain anything or give advice... it just talks about the author's issues a bunch. In fact, it ASKS questions, not answers them. If you're not interested in that, wait for the next post. Since it's been over a month, I figured it was probably time for me to write another post. Lo and behold! Inspiration struck, most conveniently. And if you haven't guessed, tonight's post is about sabotage. The glorious, sweet, destructive thing that it is. But in particular, this is about the type of sabotage I am best at; self-sabotage. Inspiration came in the form of a sudden, striking urge to just end things. Things referring to a potential relationship that was potentially occurring with someone. And unlike my usual forms of self-sabotage, this one didn't occur during a trial of some sort. No, this one struck right when everything seemed to be going right. Which is perhaps a most perfect kind of sabotage, don't you think? Unfortunately, things like this rarely hurt just the intended person.  I still remember how in 4th grade I was crazy about a kid who liked someone else. I became his best friend and did my best to help him out.  When he finally realized he liked me instead, though,  I was instantly over him; needless to say it altered our friendship in not-so-positive ways, and made him pretty confused. It also led me to become obsessed with this freak circumstance, and convinced that I had some weird emotional problem that made me this my way. I even decided it was a syndrome, and named it after him. (Of course karma's a b****, and although he's definitely someone I'd be interested in now, we're not on speaking terms.) This current plague of indecisiveness on what to do with my bipolar attachments will probably lead to wrecked friendships too, if I allow it to continue. Wouldn't you think I'd have learned?? In fact, what makes people relationship-ly self-destructive in the first place? Why would someone take what previously made them happy, and wreck it? And not even for any apparent reason; under circumstances that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. My current theories are that: It signifies an inability to let yourself be vulnerable, It expresses doubt about your ability to BE in said relationship (for whatever reason), or It shows that subconsciously you're just not that invested in the relationship or person. But really, who knows? Anyone? Other theories would be appreciated. Maybe I'll make it a poll. Really, I should go to sleep... it's too late and I'm too tired to think straight. Much love,

The Inspiration Tree: The Pursuit of Happiness: 15 Lessons to Keep in Mi...

The Inspiration Tree: The Pursuit of Happiness: 15 Lessons to Keep in Mi...: "1. The only person that can ever truly make you happy is yourself. Stop depending on everyone else.2. People lie, stuff happens. Don’t take..."

The Trouble With Doubt

Doubt is a feeling everybody experiences at sometime or another. Some people like myself get to enjoy it during any decision they try to make, and then the rest of the time, too. Others rarely feel it at all (those lucky son-of-a-guns).

But as far as I can tell, it's not the most productive emotion. It delays decision making, increases stress, insecurity, and has other not so fun side-affects. Sure, sometimes that can be good; like if you're the sponsor of the Titanic, and you think maybe it's a bit stupid to call it unsinkable. Most people, however, don't encounter situations like that in their day-to-day life.

And that, folks, is a little something called irony.

But when it comes to relationships, and the formation of relationships, doubt usually is not helpful. Perhaps you like someone, and they do things that lend those around you to think the feeling is mutual. But you don't listen and instead choose to fret. Why? Because you're doubtful that someone you like could actually like you? That's not exactly a Titanic-premonition moment.

You can't really affect whether or not they feel the same way; all you can do is be yourself and hope that's enough. So why not release your doubts? Why not make the ride a bit more enjoyable, no matter the ending? And let that apply to more than just romance; in life in general, people are prone to doubting their ability to do things. So my task for you is to let go of your doubts, as much as you are able, and merely enjoy living.

And as a very wise person once told me, "Never underestimate your own awesomeness."

Great Expectations (and no, not the book)

"It seems to me your problem lies with your expectations."

 -Tomás Urrea, The Hummingbird's Daughter 

Despite my morose Pre-Valentine's Day post, I managed to have a Valentine's Day that greatly exceeded my expectations. Which one might think would be a good thing...but knowing my deeply dysfunctional nature, that of course did not end up being the case.

So instead of writing a post about how unexpectedly wonderful my Valentine's Day was, this post has the unfortunate responsibility of being about the dangers of expectations.

If you really sit down and think about it, expectations are a lot like mosquitoes; they serve no real purpose, and end up causing people pain and suffering. If I'd never had expectations about Valentine's Day, I never would have been let down when they weren't met. In fact, I might have never hated that day in the first place. And if I hadn't been so happy about the surpassing of my expectations this Valentine's Day, I wouldn't have created more expectations for the rest of the week. And if I hadn't continued to have better-than-I-expected experiences, I wouldn't have raised the bar of my expectations. And if I hadn't done that, well... I wouldn't have had my expectations so miserably disappointed.

The problem with expectations is that they crash and burn so much more spectacularly than hopes. Unlike hopes, you actually BELIEVE these things are going to turn out a certain way. That's a dangerous train of thought any day, but especially so when it regards the actions of others. If there's only one thing you take from this rant, let it be this: that you cannot know what someone else will do merely because you think it's what they should do. That's a very important lesson to learn, but it's probably one of those things that never really gets through our heads.

So as of this long weekend (jealously not as long as my VT friends' vacation), I'm recovering from Valentine's Week and figuring out ways to leave my pain-in-el-burro expectations behind. Currently, my plan is to just NOT let myself expect things of people. Feel like joining me?

It's worth a shot, anyways. And we could all use a little expectation-elimination.



P.S. (If you have any super-amazing/awesome/ANY ideas about how to work on overcoming expectations, email me at miss.morgan.blog@gmail.com. Also, if you've read some of the Q & A posts and you feel inspired to ask a question, please do. I sound much less pathetic when there's a purpose to my writing)

The Pre-Valentine's Day Post

~ Once upon a time, there was a saint named Valentine. St. Valentine was a priest. He did priestly duties and the like, until it was discovered that he did so by the emperor of Rome (and since apparently being a Christian was not allowed at that time, this was not good). He was then sentenced to death by clubbing, and just to make sure he was entirely dead, he was beheaded.

If you haven't started to cringe yet, you probably ought to. Anybody who starts a train-of-thought analysis of Valentine's day with a man being beheaded is most likely not going to be talking about roses and chocolates and kittens, even though some of those topics might negatively come up later (like tomorrow). Consider this your formal warning: run away while you still can - nothing good can come of this.

Valentine's day is one of those many holidays that has become a money-making paradise. Considering that February 14th has absolutely nothing to do with love (and seemingly more to do with painful death), it's fairly suspicious that millions of people are told they should go and buy romantic things to make their significant others feel special. After all, nothing says love like a red teddy-bear holding a heart.

V-Day is also one of those days I forget I hate until it happens. In fact, every year like clockwork, I convince myself I actually like Valentine's day. This lasts of course until Valentine's day, upon which time I remember that I really despise the holiday, and end up spending all 24 hours miserably contemplating the fact that the day I was so looking forward to is actually really lame.

So to lessen the expected fallout of tomorrow's disillusionment, this year I've decided to brace myself by remembering that, actually, I DO hate Valentine's day. The latest V-Day episode of Glee is also assisting me by providing pre-holiday irritation (yes, they're just made-up characters; no, that does not make them matter less). And even though I know that's not enough to stop my hallucinatory expectations of how tomorrow will turn out, I'm hoping this will make me slightly more bearable to the poor souls who will have to deal with me.

May your chocolates be average and your teddy-bears ugly.
XOXO

Question #4 - How to Initiate Contact??

How am I supposed to talk to the idiot guy I like when all he's ever done for me is pass me a paper over a couple of desks?

Ahh, making contact! Sometimes it's like how I'd imagine communing with aliens would be, don't you think? Aside from figuring out the reason to talk to them, there's also figuring out what exactly to say so you don't accidentally cause an issue and ruin your life. After all, in some ways they really DO speak a different language, and I swear some of the things they interpret are way off the mark of the intention.

But back to your situation. The good news is you already have some interactions going on. You may think passing paper is hardly an indication of affection, but everything has to start off somewhere. Since you obviously have a class with this guy, you already have plenty of potential conversation starters: homework ("How stupid is this?"), group work ("How stupid is this??") and basically anything else relating to the class. That's really the best place to start; once you have a solid foundation of idle classroom chat, it's easy enough to move to a different topic, and from there, to something you actually want to talk about.

Another thing that's helpful in moving beyond the "Can I borrow your pencil?"s is having a mutual friend. If you don't already have one but you're truly interested in this person, becoming friends with one of his friends is a good investment. Not only can they include you in conversations they're having with The Guy, but they can also assist you in becoming a topic of conversation with him.

Good luck :)

P.S. If you're like me and enjoy having a script, here's one to try out.
*After a particularly frustrating/stupid/difficult homework assignment*
You: Hey, did you finish last night's homework?
Him: No/Yes/We had homework?
You (if no): Me either! I mean, what was it even asking us to do....blahblahblah.
OR

You (if yes): What did you get for number _____ (or part one, etc.)?

OR

You (if 'we had homework?'): Yeah... if you grab the worksheet now you can do it before she/he collects it. You can borrow my paper if you want.

And viola! You just started a conversation.

Question #3 - Is Love Logical?

If love hurts so much, why do people want it so badly?

That's a complicated question, for several reasons. One, love isn't always a painful experience for people (and most would consider painful love a generally bad investment). Two, when people "fall in love" or love somebody, they usually don't expect the relationship to BE painful; that's something that tends to come a bit after the initial wanting and receiving, if it occurs at all.

With that aside, though, love can most definitely hurt, especially when the feeling isn't returned or the person you love is lost. So if you KNOW it can hurt, either from experience or observation, why would you continue to pursue such a risky venture?

Because it's worth it.

Love is a really epic thing, no doubt. It's complicated at times, annoying, frustrating, and a whole host of other adjectives, but it IS enjoyable. There are few things people obsess quite so much about, and that's because it's one of life's most potent natural highs. A few break-ups and heartbreaks, no matter how painful they may be, generally pale in comparison with the prospect of the happiness and comfort love can bring. And since everyone has a desire to be wanted and loved by somebody, be it for friendship or romance, it's something we all strive for.

After all, a life with the pain of the occasional rejection is hardly as daunting as the prospect of a life spent utterly alone and without companionship. Really, it's the better alternative.

Hope that answers your question!