Pointless Interests/(Obsessions)

As a throwback to my previous life as a relationship-stuff blogger (which is not actually supposed to be a previous life, but has decided to be anyway), today's post is about:

The stupid things one thinks about when it doesn't really matter.

In particular, this post is about a conversation I had with myself, a.k.a. Erin, about something I was thinking about doing. It went something like this.

"Is it weird if I post something on someone's thing?"

"To be more specific, is it weird if I post ____?"

"In fact, is it weird that I'm even wondering if this is weird? Since the only reason that I'm concerned is because I have a moderately romantic interest in this person, which is something I should cease and desist because not only is said person someone who does not even live remotely near me, said person is someone who really does not live anywhere remotely near me. I also have nothing more than a superficial reason to believe they might be interested in me, so... it's weird, isn't it?" (Needless to say it was an extremely productive conversation.)

My point? More questions:

What drives us to want to invest emotional energy in pursuits that we don't even take seriously?

Is it because, to a certain extent, they're safer than the pursuits that could actually have results? If we care about things that we're prepared either to fail at, forget about, or simply drop when it becomes impractical, are we saving ourselves from the potential to actually be affected by these things?

That's my current theory. 

Your local pointlessly obsessing blog personality,

Breakups Part Two: How Things Feel.

Right? Found here.

Happiness and Inspirational Messages,

Ridin' Solo

In the quest to come up with a new dance mix for myself and Brittany to listen to whenever we drive anywhere, I was suddenly hit by inspiration. Which in this case goes by the name of Jason Derulo. So this post I officially dedicate to 10 reasons being single is completely, totally, absolutely

(AWESOME)

1. You can sing along to Ridin' Solo without being a fake.
2. You can flirt with almost whoever you want, and the same goes to dating.
3. You can have many, many days when you don't concern yourself with your appearance, without people thinking you're "letting yourself go" (but I've noticed guys don't tend have this problem, so maybe that's not a perk for you).
4. AND on the other hand, when you do try to look extra nice, it means more (and gets more attention).
5. You can do what YOU want, whenever you want. Or at least more so that when you're with somebody else.
6. Your single friends like you more.
7. There's no one to get suspicious if you hang out with certain people.
8. It's not always 'We, we, we, we."
9. You never have to deal with those irritating relationship arguments (friends' fights are much better).
10. And really, you get better stories out of being single. Just saying. 

So , and Ridin' Solo,

Reality vs. Fiction

My dear friend Brittany and I are hardly the first people to come up with a variation of this thought; there are books, movies, even nightmares based merely on the theory that thinking something makes it true. If it wasn't real before you thought it, the very fact that you thought it must make it possible for the future. Right?

It's even interesting enough that I can throw quotes at you...which always makes me feel special.

What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within us out into the world, miracles happen.

~ Ralph Waldo Emmerson

The flower is sprouting out of the coconut; it was NOT placed in it.
Imaginations, please, people.

(But how does that connect with Chocolate Needed? Why am I trying to sound deep about something not relationship-related?)

Silly readers! Of course I can make this about the wonderful world of romance and such. After all, haven't you ever heard of fiction? As far as I'm concerned, most novels that get anywhere when it comes to popularity need a bit of love. It can be fleeting, but as long as it exists, you'll have fans floating happily on cloud nine. That's the excuse I give to the Twilight series, too; the plot is pretty awful, and the protagonist really has nothing going for her, but throw in god-like Edward Cullen and you have yourself a cult following. At least, until they make the movie. But that's what Taylor Lautner's abs are for.

Right about now, you're probably starting to wonder what my point is. Some of you are disgusted that I put Twilight in my blog, while others haven't even read this far yet (being a little preoccupied with the aforementioned abs). The point, however, is that Stephenie Meyer managed to create a couple of the most attractive men imaginable, and made them both love her main character to a swoon-worthy, desire-inducing degree. A nearly believable degree, considering it takes a certain credibility to make people feel that much.

But no one in their right mind believes in the kind of fictional love Edward Cullen has for Bella, do they? What examples are there of that in the real world? It's all made up, isn't it?

Obviously I'm not saying Edward's real, or Jacob, or any other drop-dead-marriable fictional characters (emphasis on the word fictional), but I am wondering if, like such characters, the kind of love they have is too good to be true. Does the very fact that we can imagine a level of commitment, so hallucinatorily intense that it ruins the depth of most 'real' emotions, prove that it's possible? Once upon a time people dreamed of flying, moon-landings, and a shared database of knowledge; those things have come to pass. But is this just feel-good fiction? Is any of it real?

Can people ever really devote themselves that much to someone else? 

Just some brain double-shot-espresso-candy.

You Cheat!

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

There are those who say that monogamy is unnatural; against human nature. They use it to excuse, to a certain extent, the largely frowned upon and not very admirable trait of cheating.

Now I'm not here to say whether or not having someone on the side is "inevitable," or "natural." I'm here to ask you, my hopefully existent (perhaps imaginary?) audience, whether or not it's an addiction. Or perhaps a scar in the quality of someone's character? Once a cheater, always a cheater? 


An alcoholic who sobers up for a year isn't cured. An alcoholic who sobers up for a decade isn't cured. As far as I have ever heard, an alcoholic is never NOT an alcoholic. They can't say that just because they're on the bandwagon means they don't have problems with those pesky adult beverages. Is cheating the same way?

Is there such a thing as "just a mistake"?

 And if so, when does it go from being a mistake, to a pattern?

GO HERE AND ANSWER. It won't kill you!!

http://formspring.me/ChocolateNeeded

Love and Fidelity,

A Slight Detour...

I realize I'm supposed to be doing a series on breakups, but as anyone who knows me can attest, I happen to be very easily distracted. That's why today's post is inspired instead by a stolen Facebook status...

Ahhh! To be or not to be, you have just been defeated; THAT is the ultimate question, at least as far as I am currently concerned.

Unless I'm the only one observant enough to notice this, you've probably found that "I love you" gets thrown around quite a lot these days. Sure, friends say it. It's just something they do. But your besties are people you know love you; it's not a very complex kind of love. It's a solid, I've-got-your-back type deal. You've know them for a while... you can trust a claim like that. Same with family; it's not earth-shattering, it's not unreliable, it just exists. You expect it.

But what about someone else? What right do they have?? Do they know enough about you to be able to mean something that ridiculous? Mainly, how do you know if they do? There's no real way to gauge how somehow feels about you, except for what they tell you. And considering the human race is one that fills its spare speech with lies, does what someone tells you they feel mean anything?

It could easily be an innocent exaggeration; something they don't even consider a lie, since it just pops out and doesn't mean much. Or, it could be a not-so-innocent exaggeration, one that comes from the exaggerator having an ulterior motive. But either way, where does that leave you?

Sometimes people just say things they don't mean. And then what?

"I wonder if you love me as much as you say you do."

Perhaps it's just a naturally cynical perspective that makes me suspicious; perhaps I'm the only one who this thought has ever even occurred to. But it's healthy to wonder.

Breakups: Part One

Facebook; To Delete or Not to Delete? The Great Dilemma.

To Delete

• Hey! Now you won't really be able to see them move on (a.k.a. a new relationship, new pictures of the two of them...etc.), which is almost certainly going to happen.
• If their page is no longer fully accessible, the temptation to creep on pictures of them can easily be thwarted. Or maybe they'll just have good privacy settings.
• If your wall is no longer spammed with their posts, you can get through a Facebook-heavy day without being reminded of them. At least, not by Facebook.

Not to Delete

• If you DON'T want to lose the real-life friendship, deleting them on Facebook would most likely be a very bad idea, since when (if) they find out, they will probably not be happy.
• Sometimes, deleting someone on Facebook is like a 5 year old not giving any of his birthday cake to another 5 year old, because last time they had a play-date, she wouldn't share her toy (except obviously it's a little more complicated than that). The point, however, is that you don't want to seem petty; don't delete as an act of 'revenge'. Particularly because if they don't notice, it's that much more awful for you.
• And lastly, why waste the effort? Many people are Facebook-friends with individuals they never talk to; you probably won't be assaulted by you ex's page. And some day, if you really want/need to look at it, you're preventing the awkwardness of sending a friend request...

But unfortunately, there's no right answer; it's your call.

Don't Settle.

Whether or not we realize it, we all dream of settling. There's the very obvious, very much accepted (expected) idea of 'settling down'; you meet someone worth living with forever, and you do just that, potentially plus a kid or two. What's not to like? And then there's the childhood dream, the one where you think, "Oh, I'm going to marry that person one day," or, "I'm going to go canoeing down the Mississippi when I graduate, and that person is the one I'm trusting the oars to on the scary parts."

No matter what the scenario, if it's a childhood dream or just a dream by another name, it all seems very glamorous. The rose-colored glasses and insanely-devoted-doodling-on-notebook-pages kind of glamorous, that often infects with a fervor only otherwise found in intensely dangerous fevers. Such as the kind that mosquitoes spread. (I would have added a picture, but all the ones I found creeped me out).

Crazy insane doodles.

The problem with these glamorous dreams, though, is that they all fall flat eventually. Or they don't, which can be even worse. At the time, going to college with your high school crush and marrying them and having kids with really pretty eyes or the like may seem like a perfectly reasonable dream, but dreams like that are ways of limiting yourself without even realizing it. Not that I'm ragging on high school romances that work, because if they do, and they're good, then all the more power to them. 

But the world happens to be an awfully big place, and the idea of 'growing up' or leaving the people and friends you know can be a scary concept. That's why people cling to the dream of having what seems good and perfect at the moment, forever. It makes sense, from the point of view of someone who's just trying to keep things a little bit the same. 

This, however, is what these dreams do:

They saddle you down! They set you up for believing you've found the best before you've even had the opportunity to know what else there is! Dreams like these aren't really dreams at all; they're fantasies, rooted in a mere inability to look into a future where the world is unpredictable, and where you can't be sure you're headed for good things. These fantasies, which may seem to open doors or to be big and bold, are actually just ways of settling, and I mean the negative connotations of the word. You're going for second best when you don't even know if it's second, or 16th. 

But everybody thinks something along these lines at some time or another; the issue is that many of the people who do don't realize they're not doing themselves any favors. It's exciting to think of the future, yes, but think of the real future... the one you can only guess at. Think of the fun you could have, the troubles you could encounter, but realize that you just don't know. Plain and simple. Don't settle for a hazy solidification of something that's evanescent. In other words, just don't settle. Settling is the biggest mistake you could ever make yourself commit, and  fantasies of the settling nature belong in childhood, if they belong anywhere. So how about we all take a deep breath, let go of those 'dreams' we know aren't what we really need or want, and promise not to settle. 

Not even if the dream-kids would have really pretty eyes.

Yes, I stole this person's baby's picture.
But they put it on the internet.
Found it here.

P.S. Would someone PLEASE have the decency to submit a question for me to write about? As you can see, bad things happen when I don't have any guidelines. http://www.formspring.me/chocolateneeded

Submit A Question

It's up and running! Not very glamorous, but functional, and function is what counts. http://formspring.me/ChocolateNeeded

Friday the 13th (aka The Podcast Post)

On an auspicious day such as today, it feels wrong not to write a post. Similar to the feeling one gets when not ordering popcorn at the movies; maybe you don't really want to, but it's a requirement. All of which is basically to say that this post doesn't particularly have to do with anything.

But wait! I spoke too soon!

Tonight's post is about podcasts. To be more specific, a podcast that I am a huge fan of (and if you are a fan of Chocolate Needed, one that you should be a fan of, too). The most hilarious podcast in existence, it beats Ask a Ninja 10 times out of 10, involves people's odd, embarrassing, and just plain weird secrets, advice in response to said secrets, and the three attractive voices of three attractive guys from Seattle. What's possibly not to like?

I would be referring, of course, to Kiss and Tell, the best podcast in the entire world. It's not a "chick podcast," or a "guy podcast;" it's got something for everybody, seeing as the people behind it are male and the secrets and responses have humor potential for anyone. Basically, people go to their website and submit anonymous secrets. About anything. If they're any good, they read them on their show, answer questions that might have been asked, and analyze the people in the nicest, least judgmental way possible. They're amazing.

And I am very shamelessly promoting them.

www.kissandtellcast.com

As well as making me literally laugh out loud (embarrassingly) in public, this podcast has inspired me. The very anonymity of these secrets makes it so very appealing to submit them; after all, what's to lose? They get over ten to discuss every week. Can you imagine if I had that many questions to answer? It would be ridiculous. It would also, however, be more entertaining than getting zero questions. And I have a theory about this: there isn't a way for people to conveniently, anonymously ask anything. E-mail is not anonymous, or very convenient, so why would anybody send in a question?

My goal is to somehow get an ask box. And start a podcast. The last bit might be unnecessary, but hey; podcasts are fun. And easier to promote, since there's no iTunes section for blogs (yet).

But to wrap up this sloppy thought-train, go to iTunes and subscribe to Kiss and Tell. It's free, and fun, and your life will be better after you listen to Scott, Maré, and Cory for an hour. I promise. And let me know somehow about the whole podcast thing... good idea?


May Jason not hunt you down this day or any Friday the 13th hereafter. 

Term: Contentment

Contentment: the experience of satisfaction and being at ease in one's situation.

Sometimes, being single is nice. It's nice not to have to worry about all that hassle that comes with relationships. Not that being single means you don't have someone in mind, but the best kind of single is the kind with absolute contentment; you're not obsessing, you're not even really contemplating - you're just letting what happens, happen.

And so maybe you DO have an idea about someone.

That, however, does not mean you can't be content. If contentment is happiness with your situation in life, contentment with being single means you don't really know if things will happen with that person, or if it's even POSSIBLE for things to happen with that person, but you do know you're happy.

And how do you achieve this? By realizing that life is just a series of moments.

Years from now, you won't remember exactly how this person looks (unless, on the off chance things go really well, you've married them), and you won't remember the days you spent thinking of them, or the hours that you spent in their presence. What you will remember are certain moments that stood out; moments like a special smile just for you, or a joke told perfectly, or the sun on the bright green grass that the two of you sat on. These moments may have nothing to do with any romantic intention, but they'll stand out in their own, unique ways, and they'll bring you happiness.

Remembering this can help to put obsession and distress on a shelf that you never visit, and remind you that although things might not be the way you'd prefer them to be, they're still pretty damn awesome.

And if those moments will bring you happiness in the future, they'll bring it to you now, too.

Wishing you much contentment,

Commitment, a la "I Do."

There is a long-standing debate about whether or not commitment is a part of human nature.

From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense to argue that it's not. After all, is populating the world with lots of humans something that is best done with exclusivity? Perhaps not.

Of course, one can also argue that it's unnatural merely based on the seeming inability of many to stay committed to people they say "I do" to further on down the road. And yes, I am aware of the people who are married faithfully for many, many years, and have lovely lives. I am extremely happy for them, and hope to be able to have a life like that someday myself.

Unfortunately, I'm also aware of the people to whom marriage isn't much of a commitment at all. Despite the family and friends who are invited to the ceremony, despite the money spent on the dress, reception, and honeymoon, despite everything being thought through so carefully, marriage is often easily tossed aside when times become too hard, or the two involved realize their differences outnumber their similarities. Two people who once claimed to love each other and promised to do so till death did them part, part instead with half of what they owned together, less money in their pockets than they had before, and more often than not, ill feelings to the other member of the now dissolute union.

Now I personally am a bit torn on the subject of marriage. I understand why divorce is the only answer for some couples, and I'd hate to think of anyone deprived of happiness or real love by being stuck in a relationship that is the equivalent of an emotional black hole. However, I also feel that if "till death do us part" is something so lightly entered into, and so easily dissolved, then marriage loses its purpose and significance. If we can't even stay committed when we commit ourselves to the highest level of romantic commitment possible in the legal and religious world, then what CAN we commit to in a relationship?

If people don't take their vows seriously, then what are vows for?

If people can be so very convinced of their love for someone that they go through the hassle of marrying them, only to end up "falling out of love," then how can you know when someone loves you in a way that will last, or you them?

When almost half of all marriages end in divorce, what's the point in getting married when your likelihood to stay together is merely the luck of the draw? (And that's a recent statistic, mind you.)

Troublingly enough, there's no real answer to that question, at least that I'm aware of. But it IS food for thought.

Nothing's Sweeter than Sabotage

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something, and then go about making sure it doesn't happen."  -Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby WARNING: This post doesn't really try to explain anything or give advice... it just talks about the author's issues a bunch. In fact, it ASKS questions, not answers them. If you're not interested in that, wait for the next post. Since it's been over a month, I figured it was probably time for me to write another post. Lo and behold! Inspiration struck, most conveniently. And if you haven't guessed, tonight's post is about sabotage. The glorious, sweet, destructive thing that it is. But in particular, this is about the type of sabotage I am best at; self-sabotage. Inspiration came in the form of a sudden, striking urge to just end things. Things referring to a potential relationship that was potentially occurring with someone. And unlike my usual forms of self-sabotage, this one didn't occur during a trial of some sort. No, this one struck right when everything seemed to be going right. Which is perhaps a most perfect kind of sabotage, don't you think? Unfortunately, things like this rarely hurt just the intended person.  I still remember how in 4th grade I was crazy about a kid who liked someone else. I became his best friend and did my best to help him out.  When he finally realized he liked me instead, though,  I was instantly over him; needless to say it altered our friendship in not-so-positive ways, and made him pretty confused. It also led me to become obsessed with this freak circumstance, and convinced that I had some weird emotional problem that made me this my way. I even decided it was a syndrome, and named it after him. (Of course karma's a b****, and although he's definitely someone I'd be interested in now, we're not on speaking terms.) This current plague of indecisiveness on what to do with my bipolar attachments will probably lead to wrecked friendships too, if I allow it to continue. Wouldn't you think I'd have learned?? In fact, what makes people relationship-ly self-destructive in the first place? Why would someone take what previously made them happy, and wreck it? And not even for any apparent reason; under circumstances that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. My current theories are that: It signifies an inability to let yourself be vulnerable, It expresses doubt about your ability to BE in said relationship (for whatever reason), or It shows that subconsciously you're just not that invested in the relationship or person. But really, who knows? Anyone? Other theories would be appreciated. Maybe I'll make it a poll. Really, I should go to sleep... it's too late and I'm too tired to think straight. Much love,

The Trouble With Doubt

Doubt is a feeling everybody experiences at sometime or another. Some people like myself get to enjoy it during any decision they try to make, and then the rest of the time, too. Others rarely feel it at all (those lucky son-of-a-guns).

But as far as I can tell, it's not the most productive emotion. It delays decision making, increases stress, insecurity, and has other not so fun side-affects. Sure, sometimes that can be good; like if you're the sponsor of the Titanic, and you think maybe it's a bit stupid to call it unsinkable. Most people, however, don't encounter situations like that in their day-to-day life.

And that, folks, is a little something called irony.

But when it comes to relationships, and the formation of relationships, doubt usually is not helpful. Perhaps you like someone, and they do things that lend those around you to think the feeling is mutual. But you don't listen and instead choose to fret. Why? Because you're doubtful that someone you like could actually like you? That's not exactly a Titanic-premonition moment.

You can't really affect whether or not they feel the same way; all you can do is be yourself and hope that's enough. So why not release your doubts? Why not make the ride a bit more enjoyable, no matter the ending? And let that apply to more than just romance; in life in general, people are prone to doubting their ability to do things. So my task for you is to let go of your doubts, as much as you are able, and merely enjoy living.

And as a very wise person once told me, "Never underestimate your own awesomeness."

Great Expectations (and no, not the book)

"It seems to me your problem lies with your expectations."

 -Tomás Urrea, The Hummingbird's Daughter 

Despite my morose Pre-Valentine's Day post, I managed to have a Valentine's Day that greatly exceeded my expectations. Which one might think would be a good thing...but knowing my deeply dysfunctional nature, that of course did not end up being the case.

So instead of writing a post about how unexpectedly wonderful my Valentine's Day was, this post has the unfortunate responsibility of being about the dangers of expectations.

If you really sit down and think about it, expectations are a lot like mosquitoes; they serve no real purpose, and end up causing people pain and suffering. If I'd never had expectations about Valentine's Day, I never would have been let down when they weren't met. In fact, I might have never hated that day in the first place. And if I hadn't been so happy about the surpassing of my expectations this Valentine's Day, I wouldn't have created more expectations for the rest of the week. And if I hadn't continued to have better-than-I-expected experiences, I wouldn't have raised the bar of my expectations. And if I hadn't done that, well... I wouldn't have had my expectations so miserably disappointed.

The problem with expectations is that they crash and burn so much more spectacularly than hopes. Unlike hopes, you actually BELIEVE these things are going to turn out a certain way. That's a dangerous train of thought any day, but especially so when it regards the actions of others. If there's only one thing you take from this rant, let it be this: that you cannot know what someone else will do merely because you think it's what they should do. That's a very important lesson to learn, but it's probably one of those things that never really gets through our heads.

So as of this long weekend (jealously not as long as my VT friends' vacation), I'm recovering from Valentine's Week and figuring out ways to leave my pain-in-el-burro expectations behind. Currently, my plan is to just NOT let myself expect things of people. Feel like joining me?

It's worth a shot, anyways. And we could all use a little expectation-elimination.



P.S. (If you have any super-amazing/awesome/ANY ideas about how to work on overcoming expectations, email me at miss.morgan.blog@gmail.com. Also, if you've read some of the Q & A posts and you feel inspired to ask a question, please do. I sound much less pathetic when there's a purpose to my writing)

The Pre-Valentine's Day Post

~ Once upon a time, there was a saint named Valentine. St. Valentine was a priest. He did priestly duties and the like, until it was discovered that he did so by the emperor of Rome (and since apparently being a Christian was not allowed at that time, this was not good). He was then sentenced to death by clubbing, and just to make sure he was entirely dead, he was beheaded.

If you haven't started to cringe yet, you probably ought to. Anybody who starts a train-of-thought analysis of Valentine's day with a man being beheaded is most likely not going to be talking about roses and chocolates and kittens, even though some of those topics might negatively come up later (like tomorrow). Consider this your formal warning: run away while you still can - nothing good can come of this.

Valentine's day is one of those many holidays that has become a money-making paradise. Considering that February 14th has absolutely nothing to do with love (and seemingly more to do with painful death), it's fairly suspicious that millions of people are told they should go and buy romantic things to make their significant others feel special. After all, nothing says love like a red teddy-bear holding a heart.

V-Day is also one of those days I forget I hate until it happens. In fact, every year like clockwork, I convince myself I actually like Valentine's day. This lasts of course until Valentine's day, upon which time I remember that I really despise the holiday, and end up spending all 24 hours miserably contemplating the fact that the day I was so looking forward to is actually really lame.

So to lessen the expected fallout of tomorrow's disillusionment, this year I've decided to brace myself by remembering that, actually, I DO hate Valentine's day. The latest V-Day episode of Glee is also assisting me by providing pre-holiday irritation (yes, they're just made-up characters; no, that does not make them matter less). And even though I know that's not enough to stop my hallucinatory expectations of how tomorrow will turn out, I'm hoping this will make me slightly more bearable to the poor souls who will have to deal with me.

May your chocolates be average and your teddy-bears ugly.
XOXO

Expectations: A Rant.

Have you ever noticed that girls are given more guidelines for catching and keeping a partner than boys are? Is that really fair, and in the end is it even logical?

Girls are told not to seem too eager, that they should "play hard to get." But did you know that when asked, an overwhelming majority of boys complain about the pressure of having to "make the first move," and wish that girls would initiate things?

Girls are told to always portray themselves as confident, but when a "confident" girl leaves the room, boys she leaves in her wake may interpret her attempt at seeming confident as vanity, or "being full of herself."

In the same lane, girls are told boys shy away from insecurity, and are told that insecurity is a major turn-off. So if there's a problem in the relationship, a girl often feels like she can't address it with her significant other, leaving her paranoid and frustrated. If she can't ask, she can't know if her fears are true, and most likely she'll be angry at herself for fearing in the first place, even if her misgivings are reasonable.

Girls are told not to seem needy or clingy. That means second guessing saying "I missed you," or "I want to talk to you," or "Could you stay?" Any of this could fall under a needy, clingy label, even though it might be something her boy wants to hear, or expects. Maybe a lack of healthy neediness could actually lead to doubts of a girl's investment in a relationship, when all she's trying to accomplish are her Girl Expectations.

Girls are advised not to talk about their problems because it makes them seem like complainers, or worse, whiners. Complaints, they are told, could make them seem hard to please or unattractive personality-wise to the opposite sex. Instead, they are supposed to be perky and happy, and always lend a sympathetic ear to the problems of the boy.

Girls are told to always be supportive of the boy, even though the boy may be making stupid decisions, or may not be the Einstein/Shaq he thinks he is. HOWEVER, they are told not to be TOO supportive, or they may seem motherly and, yet again, unattractive personality-wise. Like a hoverer. And no girl wants to be a hoverer.

Girls are told to be sexy. They are supposed to seem attractive, and are supposed to do everything they can to enhance their natural "gifts," but if a girl tries too hard, or shows too much, even though it may be appreciated by the opposite sex, she is viewed as skanky, slutty, or whore-ish, which actually makes her seem less like girlfriend and more like a one-night-stand (and face it, nobody wants to be a one-ngiht-stand, just like nobody really cares about a one-night-stand). So, sexy, but not too sexy.

...does any of this ring a bell, ladies? Does anybody see similar rules for the guys?

Remember, questions, fan-mail, all sorts of wonderful goodies like that, can be e-mailed to miss.morgan.blog@gmail.com. Hurry! I want mail!

This post was produced with the special help and inspiration of Madame Z. She's awesome, and Miss Morgan loves her much. SO you can send her fan-mail too at the above e-mail address.

Liking a Close Friend: Pros and Cons

As I promised, the following are the pros and cons of liking a close friend as more than a friend. as The previous post might have led someone to believe that I think there is something horribly wrong with liking a close friend; I don't, but my personal opinion is against it [an opinion I got from personal experience]. But everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and I'll try not to let mine affect my lists.

Pros:

• You're already close friends! You like spending time with this person, and they like spending time with you. That's a good start.
• You know this person well. They know things that drive you nuts, and know how not to do those. They also know your birthday, your obsession with romantically pointless movies, and other things that it takes a while to learn.
• They already know that you are certifiably insane, and they love you for it anyway. This eliminates a lot of the insecurities involved with liking someone you don't know well.
• If you're close friends, at this point you probably known and are known to most of their friends (if you aren't already friends with them). This person has also probably been approved by your friends, since the likelihood that they are friends with your friends is pretty high. That also means their friends and your friends are probably trying to help the relationship.

Cons:

• Just like the pro, you know this person well. That means all the things you know about them that aren't that great you now have to put up with in a different way. Ex. Say you know your friend has never been able to be faithful to his girlfriends. He's your friend, so you just rolled your eyes. Now YOU are interested in being his significant other...see what I mean?
• Since you two are friends, it may have never occurred to them that you could be anything other than friends. That's a tough bridge to cross.
• The whole friend thing can be just as problematic as helpful: if you like this person it's just as possible that one of your friends, who is also friends with them, does too. Maybe they announced this affection before it even occurred to you, or maybe they just announced it before you could. Either way, you have to honor that your friend 'liked them first.'
• If the feelings are returned, the trouble isn't over: a line many a girl has heard from a close friend they liked is "I don't want to ruin our friendship." It makes sense, I suppose; a break-up of any kind would almost be guaranteed to put a dent in that relationship. But what this comment really means is that your close friend would rather play it safe, even though dating you could be worth the risk. If you want to change that, it will take a lot of work on your part, and most likely that won't even change anything.

Hope those helped! If anyone has anything they would like to contribute, comment and I'll add it.

Cures for the Relationship Blues

Not too long ago, I was desperate for a relationship.

Sure, being single can suck. But this was beyond your everyday, "Oh it would be nice to be in a relationship because those are fun." This was a full blown obsession. I very nearly "dated" someone I had no interest in whatsoever because for some reason I thought I would be a more complete person if I did.

For anyone who has ever thought that, let me be the first to tell you: It's not true.

Besides my irrational thought that my very existence depended on a relationship, another factor in my desperation was that I felt unwanted. Feeling unwanted is a truly horrible feeling that everyone experiences at some point in their lives, and you don't have to be single to feel it. It can lead to many things, but mainly it gives you The Blues. And just in case you didn't know, those are NOT fun.

I had no real reason to feel that way, and no reason to make my friends suffer through my melancholy. But once you get The Blues, everything can feel like a downer. It can be hard to get past the whole "life sucks" mentality, but it IS possible, and as the title of this post indicates, I'm going to include some things that can help. [Note: most of this post makes specific comments aimed for teenage girls. The advice stands, however, for anybody--just edit it in your mind to be more gender and age neutral]

• Get angry. Sure, anger can be a very irrational feeling that can lead to some very rash decisions. Note, however, that I said can lead to decisions: Anger LEADS to things. It is a productive feeling, as opposed to sadness, which really revolves around not doing anything and feeling bad. And while I don't advise pulling a Carrie Underwood Before He Cheats kinda thing, being angry can help you recover. It gets you wanting things, even if those things happen to be revenge. TIP: once you get it, use all this anger for a productive cause! Write letters to government leaders, save dolphins, stop a kid from being bullied, whatever.
• Distract yourself. There's nothing like a good movie to make me forget my problems! Usually if you can get your mind focused on something else such as words on a page or a big action scene in some Bruce Willis film, you won't think about things that have you down. And if you can distract yourself enough, maybe with a sport or a job, then you can get to the point where you can't even be brought down by whatever thing occurred. TIP: if what you are so upset about is being single, don't go watch some chick-flick where everybody has a big, romantic, kiss-filled happy ending, because you'll only depress yourself. And in general stay away from movies and books with sad endings, because the last thing you need is another reason to cry.
• Go out on the town. Getting out there is a great way to get past something (or more specifically, someone). Dress up in something that you think makes you look fantastic, get a bunch of friends together, and go for it! Go see a band, go to a dance, go shake your booty somewhere where the only people you know are the people you brought, just go! Believe me, it helps. TIP: don't dress like a skank! You can look sexy, but if you're under the age of 18 there's probably someone who will mind if you go out looking like you work the corner. And channel Bell Swan: instead of Edward Cullen, listen to your internal parents, BUT unlike her don't go anywhere or do anything they wouldn't approve of. Because being grounded or feeling guilty does not help.
• Like yourself. Make a point of looking in the mirror every morning and liking what you see. Because if you don't, no one will. And the whole "confidence gets you everywhere" thing is absolutely true: if you think you're worth it, others will too. But most importantly, if you do, then the actions of others, or the lack of actions, can't get to you. It's like making your own little protective shield against things that would make you think less of yourself. TIP: even though makeup isn't necessary for a girl to be beautiful and vanity is usually frowned upon, if wearing some helps you like to stop in front of the mirror and stare periodically throughout the day, then go for it.
• Remember your age. Unless you're reading this around December 2012, the world's not gonna end anytime soon: you have plenty of time. Even if you're not reading this as a teenager, you have your whole life ahead of you for relationships. And if you are under 18, remember that one day, if you so chose, you will get married. Even if Mike is the only guy you can think about right now, or you're sure that Sandra is "the one" and you can't believe she just left you for your best friend [even though you two were the homecoming king and queen and everything!], remember that you are young. Any relationship you make in high school is unlikely to follow you much farther than college, tops. If you're single, it won't last forever. Someday you will meet someone who loves you exactly how you are, imperfections and everything, and this person will be there for you in ways that you're high school sweetheart probably couldn't have been. TIP: there pretty much is someone for everyone.