Expectations: A Rant.

Have you ever noticed that girls are given more guidelines for catching and keeping a partner than boys are? Is that really fair, and in the end is it even logical?

Girls are told not to seem too eager, that they should "play hard to get." But did you know that when asked, an overwhelming majority of boys complain about the pressure of having to "make the first move," and wish that girls would initiate things?

Girls are told to always portray themselves as confident, but when a "confident" girl leaves the room, boys she leaves in her wake may interpret her attempt at seeming confident as vanity, or "being full of herself."

In the same lane, girls are told boys shy away from insecurity, and are told that insecurity is a major turn-off. So if there's a problem in the relationship, a girl often feels like she can't address it with her significant other, leaving her paranoid and frustrated. If she can't ask, she can't know if her fears are true, and most likely she'll be angry at herself for fearing in the first place, even if her misgivings are reasonable.

Girls are told not to seem needy or clingy. That means second guessing saying "I missed you," or "I want to talk to you," or "Could you stay?" Any of this could fall under a needy, clingy label, even though it might be something her boy wants to hear, or expects. Maybe a lack of healthy neediness could actually lead to doubts of a girl's investment in a relationship, when all she's trying to accomplish are her Girl Expectations.

Girls are advised not to talk about their problems because it makes them seem like complainers, or worse, whiners. Complaints, they are told, could make them seem hard to please or unattractive personality-wise to the opposite sex. Instead, they are supposed to be perky and happy, and always lend a sympathetic ear to the problems of the boy.

Girls are told to always be supportive of the boy, even though the boy may be making stupid decisions, or may not be the Einstein/Shaq he thinks he is. HOWEVER, they are told not to be TOO supportive, or they may seem motherly and, yet again, unattractive personality-wise. Like a hoverer. And no girl wants to be a hoverer.

Girls are told to be sexy. They are supposed to seem attractive, and are supposed to do everything they can to enhance their natural "gifts," but if a girl tries too hard, or shows too much, even though it may be appreciated by the opposite sex, she is viewed as skanky, slutty, or whore-ish, which actually makes her seem less like girlfriend and more like a one-night-stand (and face it, nobody wants to be a one-ngiht-stand, just like nobody really cares about a one-night-stand). So, sexy, but not too sexy.

...does any of this ring a bell, ladies? Does anybody see similar rules for the guys?

Remember, questions, fan-mail, all sorts of wonderful goodies like that, can be e-mailed to miss.morgan.blog@gmail.com. Hurry! I want mail!

This post was produced with the special help and inspiration of Madame Z. She's awesome, and Miss Morgan loves her much. SO you can send her fan-mail too at the above e-mail address.

Question #2 - How to Move On

A boy I was having a "thing" with called it off, but I can't stop thinking about him. How do I move on?

Miss Morgan: The only tried and true method I have ever found for getting over a boy quickly and painlessly is finding another one.

I know that could sound terrible, but believe me, it works, and it's not. After all, boys tend to hold a large, rather irritating power over our thoughts, and some of the only powers stronger than the woe-is-me, i-miss-him-so thoughts are the grand obsessions of a new crush.

Of course, that may not be what you want to hear, since most likely the reason you still think about him is because you still care about him. But considering the fact that from your question I get the feeling the "thing" would still be happening if you had your way, it leads me to believe he was responsible for ending it. Which probably means he isn't someone worth sticking around for anyway.

Question #1 - Crush is Misled

What do you do when your crush thinks you like someone else?

Miss Morgan: Well the first thing I would do, if I was you, is decide if you think she's interested. If you do, then that (in my own humble opinion) makes the decision to do the following a whole lot easier: since she's interested, tell her you don't like that someone else. Better yet, tell her that you like her! It's a great plan. Flawless, in fact.

If you don't want to do that last bit quite yet though, at least make it clear that you aren't interested in the person she thinks you like. If you don't know whether or not SHE is interested, still make this clear. And then you should probably follow that up with asking her to go do something fun. Like, a date. That should probably help you clear up whether or not she likes you. Hope that helps!

RRA: You have to make the girl know you like her...whether it's just telling, buying her something, bringing her on a date, just talking to her all the time or as much as possible...it all depends on the girl.

And if anyone has a question they would like answered (seriously, anyone, please, ask a question!) email it to miss.morgan.blog@gmail.com

Liking a Close Friend: Pros and Cons

As I promised, the following are the pros and cons of liking a close friend as more than a friend. as The previous post might have led someone to believe that I think there is something horribly wrong with liking a close friend; I don't, but my personal opinion is against it [an opinion I got from personal experience]. But everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and I'll try not to let mine affect my lists.

Pros:

• You're already close friends! You like spending time with this person, and they like spending time with you. That's a good start.
• You know this person well. They know things that drive you nuts, and know how not to do those. They also know your birthday, your obsession with romantically pointless movies, and other things that it takes a while to learn.
• They already know that you are certifiably insane, and they love you for it anyway. This eliminates a lot of the insecurities involved with liking someone you don't know well.
• If you're close friends, at this point you probably known and are known to most of their friends (if you aren't already friends with them). This person has also probably been approved by your friends, since the likelihood that they are friends with your friends is pretty high. That also means their friends and your friends are probably trying to help the relationship.

Cons:

• Just like the pro, you know this person well. That means all the things you know about them that aren't that great you now have to put up with in a different way. Ex. Say you know your friend has never been able to be faithful to his girlfriends. He's your friend, so you just rolled your eyes. Now YOU are interested in being his significant other...see what I mean?
• Since you two are friends, it may have never occurred to them that you could be anything other than friends. That's a tough bridge to cross.
• The whole friend thing can be just as problematic as helpful: if you like this person it's just as possible that one of your friends, who is also friends with them, does too. Maybe they announced this affection before it even occurred to you, or maybe they just announced it before you could. Either way, you have to honor that your friend 'liked them first.'
• If the feelings are returned, the trouble isn't over: a line many a girl has heard from a close friend they liked is "I don't want to ruin our friendship." It makes sense, I suppose; a break-up of any kind would almost be guaranteed to put a dent in that relationship. But what this comment really means is that your close friend would rather play it safe, even though dating you could be worth the risk. If you want to change that, it will take a lot of work on your part, and most likely that won't even change anything.

Hope those helped! If anyone has anything they would like to contribute, comment and I'll add it.

By Request: Liking a Close Friend [Personal Opinion]

REMINDER: As this blog states, if anyone reading this (if there IS anyone reading this) wants to ask a question of either me or the RRA (who is our expert on guy-related things), they can feel free to do so. I can be reached at miss.morgan.blog@gmail.com, and if a question is wished to be addressed to the RRA, merely specify and I will pass it along.

As mentioned in the title, this post is a response to a request for advice on liking a close friend. In case there is any confusion, "liking" is meant to hold more romantic connotations than what a plain old friendship would have. I was asked to list pros and cons, which I will do (in the next post: however I recommend you don't skip this one), but first I would like to share my personal opinion on the subject: don't do it.

You have to understand that liking someone as more than a friend is different from being close friends with someone, in more than just the obvious ways. The expectations and, mainly, the responsibilities, are very, very different. Friends stick by each other through every conflict they are capable of. They support each other's decisions as best as they are able, even if they don't agree with them, because that's what friends are for. They'll try to stop you from doing something detrimental to yourself, but if that's what you're going to do (without a doubt), then they will be there for you. If your boyfriend wanted to kiss another girl at a party, you wouldn't support that decision. If your crush/boyfriend promised to call and then didn't, no matter how great his explanation, you would still be hurt. If the boy you liked had a thing for a girl who wasn't you, you would hate her. Period. (And probably him too.)

Now imagine this boy is your best friend. You've always been there for him. You read the poem he wrote his girlfriend for their 6 month anniversary to make sure it was half-decent. You give him ideas of gifts to give her. You tell him everything will be OK when he thinks there is trouble. You tell him all the reasons why his girlfriend is lucky to have him when he forgets. You support him, no matter what.

Would you want to do that if his girlfriend was the one girl in the world you were dying to be? If you wanted to hate her SO badly, but instead you became her friend because you knew that would make him happy? If you had to smile and say, "That's great" when he told you he was going to ask her out, when all you wanted to do was burst into tears? Who would want to do all that??

So MAYBE, just maybe, he might like you back. And MAYBE, just maybe, he'll tell you that before he changes his mind and decides to like someone else so as not to ruin the close friendship the two of you have. And MAYBE, just maybe, the two of you will be really happy together, and (if you break up) never let it ruin the close bond the two of you have. But is it really worth the risk?

My opinion on liking a close friend as more than a friend? Avoid it at all costs. Because it will only cause you heartache in the end, and there's enough of that in the world as it is.

Cures for the Relationship Blues

Not too long ago, I was desperate for a relationship.

Sure, being single can suck. But this was beyond your everyday, "Oh it would be nice to be in a relationship because those are fun." This was a full blown obsession. I very nearly "dated" someone I had no interest in whatsoever because for some reason I thought I would be a more complete person if I did.

For anyone who has ever thought that, let me be the first to tell you: It's not true.

Besides my irrational thought that my very existence depended on a relationship, another factor in my desperation was that I felt unwanted. Feeling unwanted is a truly horrible feeling that everyone experiences at some point in their lives, and you don't have to be single to feel it. It can lead to many things, but mainly it gives you The Blues. And just in case you didn't know, those are NOT fun.

I had no real reason to feel that way, and no reason to make my friends suffer through my melancholy. But once you get The Blues, everything can feel like a downer. It can be hard to get past the whole "life sucks" mentality, but it IS possible, and as the title of this post indicates, I'm going to include some things that can help. [Note: most of this post makes specific comments aimed for teenage girls. The advice stands, however, for anybody--just edit it in your mind to be more gender and age neutral]

• Get angry. Sure, anger can be a very irrational feeling that can lead to some very rash decisions. Note, however, that I said can lead to decisions: Anger LEADS to things. It is a productive feeling, as opposed to sadness, which really revolves around not doing anything and feeling bad. And while I don't advise pulling a Carrie Underwood Before He Cheats kinda thing, being angry can help you recover. It gets you wanting things, even if those things happen to be revenge. TIP: once you get it, use all this anger for a productive cause! Write letters to government leaders, save dolphins, stop a kid from being bullied, whatever.
• Distract yourself. There's nothing like a good movie to make me forget my problems! Usually if you can get your mind focused on something else such as words on a page or a big action scene in some Bruce Willis film, you won't think about things that have you down. And if you can distract yourself enough, maybe with a sport or a job, then you can get to the point where you can't even be brought down by whatever thing occurred. TIP: if what you are so upset about is being single, don't go watch some chick-flick where everybody has a big, romantic, kiss-filled happy ending, because you'll only depress yourself. And in general stay away from movies and books with sad endings, because the last thing you need is another reason to cry.
• Go out on the town. Getting out there is a great way to get past something (or more specifically, someone). Dress up in something that you think makes you look fantastic, get a bunch of friends together, and go for it! Go see a band, go to a dance, go shake your booty somewhere where the only people you know are the people you brought, just go! Believe me, it helps. TIP: don't dress like a skank! You can look sexy, but if you're under the age of 18 there's probably someone who will mind if you go out looking like you work the corner. And channel Bell Swan: instead of Edward Cullen, listen to your internal parents, BUT unlike her don't go anywhere or do anything they wouldn't approve of. Because being grounded or feeling guilty does not help.
• Like yourself. Make a point of looking in the mirror every morning and liking what you see. Because if you don't, no one will. And the whole "confidence gets you everywhere" thing is absolutely true: if you think you're worth it, others will too. But most importantly, if you do, then the actions of others, or the lack of actions, can't get to you. It's like making your own little protective shield against things that would make you think less of yourself. TIP: even though makeup isn't necessary for a girl to be beautiful and vanity is usually frowned upon, if wearing some helps you like to stop in front of the mirror and stare periodically throughout the day, then go for it.
• Remember your age. Unless you're reading this around December 2012, the world's not gonna end anytime soon: you have plenty of time. Even if you're not reading this as a teenager, you have your whole life ahead of you for relationships. And if you are under 18, remember that one day, if you so chose, you will get married. Even if Mike is the only guy you can think about right now, or you're sure that Sandra is "the one" and you can't believe she just left you for your best friend [even though you two were the homecoming king and queen and everything!], remember that you are young. Any relationship you make in high school is unlikely to follow you much farther than college, tops. If you're single, it won't last forever. Someday you will meet someone who loves you exactly how you are, imperfections and everything, and this person will be there for you in ways that you're high school sweetheart probably couldn't have been. TIP: there pretty much is someone for everyone.