Question #13 - Young Love?

how do you define love? do you think that teenagers can really feel it?

Agh, a hard question! I'm going to distract you with a picture while I think about it.

Photo credit goes to ClickFlashPhotos / Nicki Varkevisser 

Okay. Let me start with the first question: I personally don't have a set definition of love... how I think of it involves many different elements, and they sometimes change. But I'll do my best to describe it.

Love: they say it's finding someone you would die for, and to a certain extent I believe that; but a decision like DEATH would usually be done so suddenly, and in such a hectic, emotional, violent moment, that you wouldn't have much time to think about it, or the consequences. Considering it that way, to me it's just as important to find someone you would LIVE for, for the rest of your life.  Living for involves wiping their face and clothes off when they get violently ill all over themselves, and maybe you. Working a job you really don't like to help pay the bills, even though they're not all yours. Being willing to change where you live and how you do so because it's something they need to do, and you wouldn't want them to do it alone. Being always able to talk about anything, whether it's important or not, but not needing to talk. Being with them, and knowing that you're the truest form of you when you are. To me, those are just some of the qualities of love. 


And to answer your second question: I believe that teenagers are capable of feeling the extremely intense emotions that often play a part in falling in love with someone. The trick, though, is how they feel "after the honeymoon ends." The intensity doesn't always last, or at least it doesn't stick around consistently, and the nature of your average teenager is to live in the moment. There's more to what I consider love than just passion, or even warm fuzzy feelings... there's the enduring need to live for more than just yourself; for at least this other person. 


And while I believe that teenagers can feel more than just the first wave of emotions, it's generally against how they're conditioned to look that deep and take things that seriously. The more mature a person becomes, the more likely I believe it is that they'll be able to love genuinely. 


Hope that answered your question! And sorry if it's really long... I can't help it. 

Question #12 - Just Friends!

I'm really good friends with a guy. But a lot of my girl friends tease us about it. I'm worried that because they keep suggesting a relationship, he might freak out and our friendship will fall apart. Should I talk to him? Tell my friends to ease up?

First, it is my formal obligation as an advice-giver to read too much into your wording and ask, do you want a relationship with this guy-friend? I realize that if you're concerned about him freaking out over your friends' suggestions, you would probably do nothing about it even if you did. But that's just something to consider.

Next, I want to back up a step. You just told me that you are good friends with this guy. Not friends, but good friends. That leads me to believe that you are, well, good friends. And usually a good friend won't up and freak out because YOUR friends are trying to set the two of you up.

But are these troublesome girl friends people that he trusts and relies on? Does what they think and say usually have a strong impact on him? If so, then my first bit of advice is to talk to HIM. After all, why do you think he'll freak out? Has he done things in the past that would make you think his fight-or-flight instinct is set on flight? If your gut says the relationship-teasing is causing problems, you need to check in and ask him if it's bugging him. In fact, that's almost exactly what you should say.

"Is them saying that bothering you?" Simple, concise, and not a loaded question.

Sorry, I have a lolcat obsession.

If he says yes, then you need to be serious with your friends and tell them that you don't want a relationship, he doesn't want a relationship, and them always bringing it up is slowly starting to RUIN your friendship. If you DO want a relationship, that obviously complicates things, but if your friendship is your top priority then just go with the above response.

Now if he says no, it's up to you whether or not you tell your friends to cut it out. If a relationship with this guy is something you do/might want in the future, my recommendation is to just let them keep at it. After all, every time they bring it up, he thinks about it, whether he wants to or not. And the more you think about something, the more it tends to become part of your life. That's called the Law of Attraction, and I didn't just make it up. If you're not interested in having more than a friendship, then telling them it's getting on your nerves will probably get you some peace.

Good luck, and hope things work out the way you want them to.

Question #11 - Hot Guys = Manwhores?

Is it just me, or are all hot guys manwhores?

There's good news and bad news; the good news is, it's not just you! Actually, that's the bad news too. Hmm...

On a serious note: extremely attractive guys often DO seem to be equally promiscuous. Is that a universal truth? Probably not. (Note the 'probably'...)

I do have a theory, though. Attractive people in general tend to be more self-confident; they receive more praise and attention throughout their lives. This results from a subconscious human misconception that beauty means goodness, which dates back to primal evolutionary survival techniques.

For example: If you were a peacock, would you mate with the dull, average looking peacock, or the one with fantastic feathers? The second's pretty plumage indicates two things: one, it has good genes, and two, it has really good genes. After all, it not only looks nice; it's also boss/smart/healthy/fast enough to have the free time to groom itself. In other words, your little pea-chicks will probably survive in the big bad world.

Thank you, Mrs. Bessy, for giving me the biology knowledge
to write the above paragraph. 

We, however, are not talking about peacocks. The point of that example was to show that the human desire to be surrounded by attractive people very much exists, if not on a conscious level. Therefore these attractive people become accustomed to having a "following"; they learn to be charismatic and approachable, which makes them popular and very good at working a crowd.

But it does more than just that! For at least a decently large percentage of the "attractive" population (dare I say males especially?), it gives them a sense of entitlement; all these people are attracted to them, so don't they have the right, if not obligation, to make use of it? Whether it be excessive flirting or promiscuity, it tends to go down like that.

Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone/male that society would deem as attractive; some of those people are rude, obnoxious, have morals, or have an affinity to commitment.

(That last bit was kind of a joke. What I meant to say, question-asker, was that there are some "hot guys" out there who aren't players. I wish you luck in finding them.)

xoxo,

Self Esteem

In this day and age, people constantly hear that there is someone out there who will love them unconditionally, for exactly who they are.

Now whether or not this is true (but of course I'd like to believe it is), there are those out there who are plagued by the belief that they will find few, if any, people to love them for their entire selves. These people often feel the need to be reassured of others' affections for them, and that brings me to the point of this post: today's daily dose of Chocolate Needed is brought to you by a friend of mine's poor self-esteem, and his need for positive affirmation.

The face of poor self-esteem.

As you can see in the above photo, said friend is so self-conscious that he must cover half of his face with a fake flower.

The point: this friend is very cool. He is, in fact, quite awesome, and it is extremely upsetting that he has such a dangerously low vision of himself. I do the best I can to prevent him from falling into a pit of self-loathing, but it can be hard.

That is why I'm asking you, my dear readers, to do your part. With just a low monthly donation of 100 dollars, you too can be a self-esteem saver. To learn more about donating, visit the Facebook page of Michael Wood. He needs it.

Much love,


P.S. But on a serious note, I should probably add that low self-esteem is a genuinely difficult thing, and we should all compliment people, because it's nice and it makes them feel good about themselves.

"I like your hair. It feels very soft."

Breakups Part Two: How Things Feel.

Right? Found here.

Happiness and Inspirational Messages,

Question #10 - Can I Have Plans Now?

So this guy I'm dating asked me if I had plans; I wasn't sure if I wanted to hang out with him, but I didn't have plans, so I said "not yet." Now I'm trying to GET plans because I don't want to see him tonight, but I don't want to be rude... what should I have said??

Why, I'm so glad that you asked! This question is, as far as I'm concerned, very easy to answer. As I said in my previous post (Ridin' Solo), one of the great things about not being in a relationship is not having to answer to the whims of your significant other. You're dating this guy, but he's not your boyfriend? Hey, don't feel so obligated! If you don't feel like hanging out with him, you don't have to. After all, it's not like the two of you signed the contract of relationship-dom; you're not even supposed to want to spend all your time with this guy. You're allowed to have a life!

So what do you say?

Here's a tip I consider invaluable:

If you're not sure, you ALWAYS have plans. You can 'cancel' plans if you change your mind, but you can't create them after you've been asked. 

Creating plans after you've already said you had none is most definitely rude. That states, very forwardly, that you are avoiding the person who wants to spend time with you. That may be true, and there are times when you might want to be rude in order to get a point across; but if you're just not sure where you stand, don't do something you might regret.

Good Luck!

Ridin' Solo

In the quest to come up with a new dance mix for myself and Brittany to listen to whenever we drive anywhere, I was suddenly hit by inspiration. Which in this case goes by the name of Jason Derulo. So this post I officially dedicate to 10 reasons being single is completely, totally, absolutely

(AWESOME)

1. You can sing along to Ridin' Solo without being a fake.
2. You can flirt with almost whoever you want, and the same goes to dating.
3. You can have many, many days when you don't concern yourself with your appearance, without people thinking you're "letting yourself go" (but I've noticed guys don't tend have this problem, so maybe that's not a perk for you).
4. AND on the other hand, when you do try to look extra nice, it means more (and gets more attention).
5. You can do what YOU want, whenever you want. Or at least more so that when you're with somebody else.
6. Your single friends like you more.
7. There's no one to get suspicious if you hang out with certain people.
8. It's not always 'We, we, we, we."
9. You never have to deal with those irritating relationship arguments (friends' fights are much better).
10. And really, you get better stories out of being single. Just saying. 

So , and Ridin' Solo,

Exploding Chocolate?

Via this blog.
               Spy gadgets in World War II: Exploding Chocolate Bar.

This ordinary-looking bar of chocolate is really a German hand grenade. It's made of steel with a thin covering of real chocolate. When the piece of chocolate at the end is broken, a strip of canvas is pulled out. After seven seconds the bomb explodes.

Shown here is the Plain bar. For added shrapnel, get the bar with peanuts.

Sure changes the meaning of Chocolate Needed, doesn't it? Like your angry ex-girlfriend wants to give you some German chocolate, if you know what I mean...

Which led me to feel seriously inspired to create a promotional laptop cover, and a new logo:

Like it? I do.

XOXO and chocolate-bar grenades,

P.S. The lovely idea and how-to came from fellow blogger Taylor, of MaryJanes & Galoshes. The link can be found here.

Reality vs. Fiction

My dear friend Brittany and I are hardly the first people to come up with a variation of this thought; there are books, movies, even nightmares based merely on the theory that thinking something makes it true. If it wasn't real before you thought it, the very fact that you thought it must make it possible for the future. Right?

It's even interesting enough that I can throw quotes at you...which always makes me feel special.

What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within us out into the world, miracles happen.

~ Ralph Waldo Emmerson

The flower is sprouting out of the coconut; it was NOT placed in it.
Imaginations, please, people.

(But how does that connect with Chocolate Needed? Why am I trying to sound deep about something not relationship-related?)

Silly readers! Of course I can make this about the wonderful world of romance and such. After all, haven't you ever heard of fiction? As far as I'm concerned, most novels that get anywhere when it comes to popularity need a bit of love. It can be fleeting, but as long as it exists, you'll have fans floating happily on cloud nine. That's the excuse I give to the Twilight series, too; the plot is pretty awful, and the protagonist really has nothing going for her, but throw in god-like Edward Cullen and you have yourself a cult following. At least, until they make the movie. But that's what Taylor Lautner's abs are for.

Right about now, you're probably starting to wonder what my point is. Some of you are disgusted that I put Twilight in my blog, while others haven't even read this far yet (being a little preoccupied with the aforementioned abs). The point, however, is that Stephenie Meyer managed to create a couple of the most attractive men imaginable, and made them both love her main character to a swoon-worthy, desire-inducing degree. A nearly believable degree, considering it takes a certain credibility to make people feel that much.

But no one in their right mind believes in the kind of fictional love Edward Cullen has for Bella, do they? What examples are there of that in the real world? It's all made up, isn't it?

Obviously I'm not saying Edward's real, or Jacob, or any other drop-dead-marriable fictional characters (emphasis on the word fictional), but I am wondering if, like such characters, the kind of love they have is too good to be true. Does the very fact that we can imagine a level of commitment, so hallucinatorily intense that it ruins the depth of most 'real' emotions, prove that it's possible? Once upon a time people dreamed of flying, moon-landings, and a shared database of knowledge; those things have come to pass. But is this just feel-good fiction? Is any of it real?

Can people ever really devote themselves that much to someone else? 

Just some brain double-shot-espresso-candy.

Question #9 - Bigger Than Four Letters

What do you do if your partner tells you they love you, and you've been hinting for a while that you want them to say it, and when they finally do, you realize how much it actually means and just can't genuinely say it back?

Love; it strikes again!

It's funny (not funny 'haha', funny weird) that you're having this issue, since recently I had a similar blip myself. And let me just say that I understand how crazy it can be when that realization hits home.

But what to do? First, let's figure out the basics. 

Obviously you're with someone. A partner, which implies a commitment. Also, you've been wanting them to say they love you, so you must have thought at one point that you loved them. And lastly, when it came time to lay your cards down on the table, you realized you no longer believed you loved them.

Now that may sound harsh, but I'm not saying you don't have feelings for them; I'm just clarifying that you said you didn't love them (in less words). Pairing that with a commitment, you've got a dilemma. And your dilemma has several solutions:

• Fake it till you feel it. Pretty self explanatory; get past the need to be absolutely genuine and just say it. If you truly care about this person, and if you've thought you were at the love-level before, you're most likely on your way to being there legitimately. Besides, haven't you heard? Throwing the word 'love' around is all the rage with the kids these days.
• Honesty's the best policy. Just tell your partner what's going on. And if things happened the way it sounds like they did, this person has probably already noticed the cat got your tongue when it came to the "I love you"s. An explanation is a good place to start, particularly if they were made to feel that opening up like that was what you wanted. (Hint: This is the most responsible option)
• Pack up shop. You're in a relationship with someone you don't love. Does that seem very logical?? (This is definitely the most drastic thing you could do, and I'm sure the most damaging and unnecessary, but it's still an option if you begin to feel like your relationship has hit its peak and is now in a colossal downward spiral.)

But before you think about any of these, you need to sit down and feel things out. Is it that love is a such a powerful word, and you need time to think about the ramifications of saying it? Does it get stuck when you try to say it, or do you just feel dishonest when you picture doing so? There's a difference between being unable to say "I love you" and feeling it would be wrong to if you did, so it's up to you to figure out exactly what's going on. Perhaps you just need to wait, or this isn't the right relationship for the word. Whatever the reason may be, just do what feels best, and it will work out in the end.

Hope this helped!

P.S. If it didn't, send me another message. I'm having an underfunded idea day.