Not too long ago, I was desperate for a relationship.
Sure, being single can suck. But this was beyond your everyday, "Oh it would be nice to be in a relationship because those are fun." This was a full blown obsession. I very nearly "dated" someone I had no interest in whatsoever because for some reason I thought I would be a more complete person if I did.
For anyone who has ever thought that, let me be the first to tell you: It's not true.
Besides my irrational thought that my very existence depended on a relationship, another factor in my desperation was that I felt unwanted. Feeling unwanted is a truly horrible feeling that everyone experiences at some point in their lives, and you don't have to be single to feel it. It can lead to many things, but mainly it gives you The Blues. And just in case you didn't know, those are NOT fun.
I had no real reason to feel that way, and no reason to make my friends suffer through my melancholy. But once you get The Blues, everything can feel like a downer. It can be hard to get past the whole "life sucks" mentality, but it IS possible, and as the title of this post indicates, I'm going to include some things that can help. [Note: most of this post makes specific comments aimed for teenage girls. The advice stands, however, for anybody--just edit it in your mind to be more gender and age neutral]
- Get angry. Sure, anger can be a very irrational feeling that can lead to some very rash decisions. Note, however, that I said can lead to decisions: Anger LEADS to things. It is a productive feeling, as opposed to sadness, which really revolves around not doing anything and feeling bad. And while I don't advise pulling a Carrie Underwood Before He Cheats kinda thing, being angry can help you recover. It gets you wanting things, even if those things happen to be revenge. TIP: once you get it, use all this anger for a productive cause! Write letters to government leaders, save dolphins, stop a kid from being bullied, whatever.
- Distract yourself. There's nothing like a good movie to make me forget my problems! Usually if you can get your mind focused on something else such as words on a page or a big action scene in some Bruce Willis film, you won't think about things that have you down. And if you can distract yourself enough, maybe with a sport or a job, then you can get to the point where you can't even be brought down by whatever thing occurred. TIP: if what you are so upset about is being single, don't go watch some chick-flick where everybody has a big, romantic, kiss-filled happy ending, because you'll only depress yourself. And in general stay away from movies and books with sad endings, because the last thing you need is another reason to cry.
- Go out on the town. Getting out there is a great way to get past something (or more specifically, someone). Dress up in something that you think makes you look fantastic, get a bunch of friends together, and go for it! Go see a band, go to a dance, go shake your booty somewhere where the only people you know are the people you brought, just go! Believe me, it helps. TIP: don't dress like a skank! You can look sexy, but if you're under the age of 18 there's probably someone who will mind if you go out looking like you work the corner. And channel Bell Swan: instead of Edward Cullen, listen to your internal parents, BUT unlike her don't go anywhere or do anything they wouldn't approve of. Because being grounded or feeling guilty does not help.
- Like yourself. Make a point of looking in the mirror every morning and liking what you see. Because if you don't, no one will. And the whole "confidence gets you everywhere" thing is absolutely true: if you think you're worth it, others will too. But most importantly, if you do, then the actions of others, or the lack of actions, can't get to you. It's like making your own little protective shield against things that would make you think less of yourself. TIP: even though makeup isn't necessary for a girl to be beautiful and vanity is usually frowned upon, if wearing some helps you like to stop in front of the mirror and stare periodically throughout the day, then go for it.
- Remember your age. Unless you're reading this around December 2012, the world's not gonna end anytime soon: you have plenty of time. Even if you're not reading this as a teenager, you have your whole life ahead of you for relationships. And if you are under 18, remember that one day, if you so chose, you will get married. Even if Mike is the only guy you can think about right now, or you're sure that Sandra is "the one" and you can't believe she just left you for your best friend [even though you two were the homecoming king and queen and everything!], remember that you are young. Any relationship you make in high school is unlikely to follow you much farther than college, tops. If you're single, it won't last forever. Someday you will meet someone who loves you exactly how you are, imperfections and everything, and this person will be there for you in ways that you're high school sweetheart probably couldn't have been. TIP: there pretty much is someone for everyone.
