Ridin' Solo

In the quest to come up with a new dance mix for myself and Brittany to listen to whenever we drive anywhere, I was suddenly hit by inspiration. Which in this case goes by the name of Jason Derulo. So this post I officially dedicate to 10 reasons being single is completely, totally, absolutely

(AWESOME)

1. You can sing along to Ridin' Solo without being a fake.
2. You can flirt with almost whoever you want, and the same goes to dating.
3. You can have many, many days when you don't concern yourself with your appearance, without people thinking you're "letting yourself go" (but I've noticed guys don't tend have this problem, so maybe that's not a perk for you).
4. AND on the other hand, when you do try to look extra nice, it means more (and gets more attention).
5. You can do what YOU want, whenever you want. Or at least more so that when you're with somebody else.
6. Your single friends like you more.
7. There's no one to get suspicious if you hang out with certain people.
8. It's not always 'We, we, we, we."
9. You never have to deal with those irritating relationship arguments (friends' fights are much better).
10. And really, you get better stories out of being single. Just saying. 

So , and Ridin' Solo,

Exploding Chocolate?

Via this blog.
               Spy gadgets in World War II: Exploding Chocolate Bar.

This ordinary-looking bar of chocolate is really a German hand grenade. It's made of steel with a thin covering of real chocolate. When the piece of chocolate at the end is broken, a strip of canvas is pulled out. After seven seconds the bomb explodes.

Shown here is the Plain bar. For added shrapnel, get the bar with peanuts.

Sure changes the meaning of Chocolate Needed, doesn't it? Like your angry ex-girlfriend wants to give you some German chocolate, if you know what I mean...

Which led me to feel seriously inspired to create a promotional laptop cover, and a new logo:

Like it? I do.

XOXO and chocolate-bar grenades,

P.S. The lovely idea and how-to came from fellow blogger Taylor, of MaryJanes & Galoshes. The link can be found here.

Reality vs. Fiction

My dear friend Brittany and I are hardly the first people to come up with a variation of this thought; there are books, movies, even nightmares based merely on the theory that thinking something makes it true. If it wasn't real before you thought it, the very fact that you thought it must make it possible for the future. Right?

It's even interesting enough that I can throw quotes at you...which always makes me feel special.

What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when we bring what is within us out into the world, miracles happen.

~ Ralph Waldo Emmerson

The flower is sprouting out of the coconut; it was NOT placed in it.
Imaginations, please, people.

(But how does that connect with Chocolate Needed? Why am I trying to sound deep about something not relationship-related?)

Silly readers! Of course I can make this about the wonderful world of romance and such. After all, haven't you ever heard of fiction? As far as I'm concerned, most novels that get anywhere when it comes to popularity need a bit of love. It can be fleeting, but as long as it exists, you'll have fans floating happily on cloud nine. That's the excuse I give to the Twilight series, too; the plot is pretty awful, and the protagonist really has nothing going for her, but throw in god-like Edward Cullen and you have yourself a cult following. At least, until they make the movie. But that's what Taylor Lautner's abs are for.

Right about now, you're probably starting to wonder what my point is. Some of you are disgusted that I put Twilight in my blog, while others haven't even read this far yet (being a little preoccupied with the aforementioned abs). The point, however, is that Stephenie Meyer managed to create a couple of the most attractive men imaginable, and made them both love her main character to a swoon-worthy, desire-inducing degree. A nearly believable degree, considering it takes a certain credibility to make people feel that much.

But no one in their right mind believes in the kind of fictional love Edward Cullen has for Bella, do they? What examples are there of that in the real world? It's all made up, isn't it?

Obviously I'm not saying Edward's real, or Jacob, or any other drop-dead-marriable fictional characters (emphasis on the word fictional), but I am wondering if, like such characters, the kind of love they have is too good to be true. Does the very fact that we can imagine a level of commitment, so hallucinatorily intense that it ruins the depth of most 'real' emotions, prove that it's possible? Once upon a time people dreamed of flying, moon-landings, and a shared database of knowledge; those things have come to pass. But is this just feel-good fiction? Is any of it real?

Can people ever really devote themselves that much to someone else? 

Just some brain double-shot-espresso-candy.

Question #9 - Bigger Than Four Letters

What do you do if your partner tells you they love you, and you've been hinting for a while that you want them to say it, and when they finally do, you realize how much it actually means and just can't genuinely say it back?

Love; it strikes again!

It's funny (not funny 'haha', funny weird) that you're having this issue, since recently I had a similar blip myself. And let me just say that I understand how crazy it can be when that realization hits home.

But what to do? First, let's figure out the basics. 

Obviously you're with someone. A partner, which implies a commitment. Also, you've been wanting them to say they love you, so you must have thought at one point that you loved them. And lastly, when it came time to lay your cards down on the table, you realized you no longer believed you loved them.

Now that may sound harsh, but I'm not saying you don't have feelings for them; I'm just clarifying that you said you didn't love them (in less words). Pairing that with a commitment, you've got a dilemma. And your dilemma has several solutions:

• Fake it till you feel it. Pretty self explanatory; get past the need to be absolutely genuine and just say it. If you truly care about this person, and if you've thought you were at the love-level before, you're most likely on your way to being there legitimately. Besides, haven't you heard? Throwing the word 'love' around is all the rage with the kids these days.
• Honesty's the best policy. Just tell your partner what's going on. And if things happened the way it sounds like they did, this person has probably already noticed the cat got your tongue when it came to the "I love you"s. An explanation is a good place to start, particularly if they were made to feel that opening up like that was what you wanted. (Hint: This is the most responsible option)
• Pack up shop. You're in a relationship with someone you don't love. Does that seem very logical?? (This is definitely the most drastic thing you could do, and I'm sure the most damaging and unnecessary, but it's still an option if you begin to feel like your relationship has hit its peak and is now in a colossal downward spiral.)

But before you think about any of these, you need to sit down and feel things out. Is it that love is a such a powerful word, and you need time to think about the ramifications of saying it? Does it get stuck when you try to say it, or do you just feel dishonest when you picture doing so? There's a difference between being unable to say "I love you" and feeling it would be wrong to if you did, so it's up to you to figure out exactly what's going on. Perhaps you just need to wait, or this isn't the right relationship for the word. Whatever the reason may be, just do what feels best, and it will work out in the end.

Hope this helped!

P.S. If it didn't, send me another message. I'm having an underfunded idea day.

You Cheat!

Once a cheater, always a cheater?

There are those who say that monogamy is unnatural; against human nature. They use it to excuse, to a certain extent, the largely frowned upon and not very admirable trait of cheating.

Now I'm not here to say whether or not having someone on the side is "inevitable," or "natural." I'm here to ask you, my hopefully existent (perhaps imaginary?) audience, whether or not it's an addiction. Or perhaps a scar in the quality of someone's character? Once a cheater, always a cheater? 


An alcoholic who sobers up for a year isn't cured. An alcoholic who sobers up for a decade isn't cured. As far as I have ever heard, an alcoholic is never NOT an alcoholic. They can't say that just because they're on the bandwagon means they don't have problems with those pesky adult beverages. Is cheating the same way?

Is there such a thing as "just a mistake"?

 And if so, when does it go from being a mistake, to a pattern?

GO HERE AND ANSWER. It won't kill you!!

http://formspring.me/ChocolateNeeded

Love and Fidelity,

Question #8 - No Means No.

How do you say no to someone who doesn't know what no means without being a jerk?

That can definitely be a tough question... at least at first. Sometimes, if you wait long enough, their persistence becomes so annoying that it's very easy to drop all concern about appearing jerk-ish, and just make it VERY clear.

 

Of course, that's obviously not the best-case scenario. So, here are some strategies.

• Say no. Again. Of course, you should do so very politely. "I'm really sorry, but I'm not interested." And if they view that as leaving some sign of hope, "...and I don't see myself becoming interested anytime soon/ever." That may be pushing into jerk territory, but you've gotta do what you've gotta do. You don't want this phenomenon...

• Prove it. Having someone on your arm is probably a good indication that you're choosing to ignore said admirer's obvious interest. And if there isn't a readily available girl/boyfriend for you, making it clear that you're interested in people who aren't this person-who-doesn't-know-what-no-means is another alternative (a.k.a. saying something about someone you like in earshot of the person who likes you, or just straight out saying "I like someone else. Named ____," to them. But naming names is obviously optional.) 

• Ignore it and hope it goes away. My personal favorite, and probably the least mature of the three options, is to make your feelings known in a more physical and psychological way; shun. If they're always trying to spend time with you? Always have somewhere else you need to be. If they're always trying to chat with you when you're online? Well, that's what Facebook-chat ignore lists are for. Constantly texting you? Respond with those irritating, conversation-ending one word replies. If you're in a position where you can't readily escape, but instead have to endure they're attempts at conversation? One-word replies came from somewhere, and cell phones didn't always exist. You don't have to cop an attitude, but by seeming less than entertained by the whole deal (in a very polite way), you can get the impression across. Now I'm sure none of this seems very nice, so I would suggest it as a last resort; this is for when you begin to get very, very fed up. Like when the person is becoming borderline obsessive (or at least it feels that way). 

Now, these aren't the only three ways to deal with this kind of situation; they're just the three that I utilize the most. If none of them seem very plausible to you, then I would suggest sitting down and having a brainstorm session with yourself, because you're the only one who knows how you'll be most comfortable when dealing with any given issue.

Additional Notes:
In the unfortunate circumstance that this person who won't listen is a friend, I would suggest doing whatever you choose to do as quickly and painlessly as possible... drawing it out could really wreck your relationship.
In the equally unfortunate circumstance that this person is someone a friend is interested in, I would worry less about painlessness than about CLARITY. "No, I am not interested, and no, I will not be, and no, I do not want you to profess your love for me in public; that will not change my mind, it will just make me mad." At this point it doesn't hurt to suggest they be open to other people (*cough* such as the friend), but you don't want to be too blunt about that. Clarity with your friend is very important, too. It may not be your fault that this person likes you, but it WILL be your fault if your friend thinks your inaction is leading them on, or is an indication that YOU like them in return.

I wish you luck!

A Slight Detour...

I realize I'm supposed to be doing a series on breakups, but as anyone who knows me can attest, I happen to be very easily distracted. That's why today's post is inspired instead by a stolen Facebook status...

Ahhh! To be or not to be, you have just been defeated; THAT is the ultimate question, at least as far as I am currently concerned.

Unless I'm the only one observant enough to notice this, you've probably found that "I love you" gets thrown around quite a lot these days. Sure, friends say it. It's just something they do. But your besties are people you know love you; it's not a very complex kind of love. It's a solid, I've-got-your-back type deal. You've know them for a while... you can trust a claim like that. Same with family; it's not earth-shattering, it's not unreliable, it just exists. You expect it.

But what about someone else? What right do they have?? Do they know enough about you to be able to mean something that ridiculous? Mainly, how do you know if they do? There's no real way to gauge how somehow feels about you, except for what they tell you. And considering the human race is one that fills its spare speech with lies, does what someone tells you they feel mean anything?

It could easily be an innocent exaggeration; something they don't even consider a lie, since it just pops out and doesn't mean much. Or, it could be a not-so-innocent exaggeration, one that comes from the exaggerator having an ulterior motive. But either way, where does that leave you?

Sometimes people just say things they don't mean. And then what?

"I wonder if you love me as much as you say you do."

Perhaps it's just a naturally cynical perspective that makes me suspicious; perhaps I'm the only one who this thought has ever even occurred to. But it's healthy to wonder.