Expectations: A Rant.

Have you ever noticed that girls are given more guidelines for catching and keeping a partner than boys are? Is that really fair, and in the end is it even logical?

Girls are told not to seem too eager, that they should "play hard to get." But did you know that when asked, an overwhelming majority of boys complain about the pressure of having to "make the first move," and wish that girls would initiate things?

Girls are told to always portray themselves as confident, but when a "confident" girl leaves the room, boys she leaves in her wake may interpret her attempt at seeming confident as vanity, or "being full of herself."

In the same lane, girls are told boys shy away from insecurity, and are told that insecurity is a major turn-off. So if there's a problem in the relationship, a girl often feels like she can't address it with her significant other, leaving her paranoid and frustrated. If she can't ask, she can't know if her fears are true, and most likely she'll be angry at herself for fearing in the first place, even if her misgivings are reasonable.

Girls are told not to seem needy or clingy. That means second guessing saying "I missed you," or "I want to talk to you," or "Could you stay?" Any of this could fall under a needy, clingy label, even though it might be something her boy wants to hear, or expects. Maybe a lack of healthy neediness could actually lead to doubts of a girl's investment in a relationship, when all she's trying to accomplish are her Girl Expectations.

Girls are advised not to talk about their problems because it makes them seem like complainers, or worse, whiners. Complaints, they are told, could make them seem hard to please or unattractive personality-wise to the opposite sex. Instead, they are supposed to be perky and happy, and always lend a sympathetic ear to the problems of the boy.

Girls are told to always be supportive of the boy, even though the boy may be making stupid decisions, or may not be the Einstein/Shaq he thinks he is. HOWEVER, they are told not to be TOO supportive, or they may seem motherly and, yet again, unattractive personality-wise. Like a hoverer. And no girl wants to be a hoverer.

Girls are told to be sexy. They are supposed to seem attractive, and are supposed to do everything they can to enhance their natural "gifts," but if a girl tries too hard, or shows too much, even though it may be appreciated by the opposite sex, she is viewed as skanky, slutty, or whore-ish, which actually makes her seem less like girlfriend and more like a one-night-stand (and face it, nobody wants to be a one-ngiht-stand, just like nobody really cares about a one-night-stand). So, sexy, but not too sexy.

...does any of this ring a bell, ladies? Does anybody see similar rules for the guys?

Remember, questions, fan-mail, all sorts of wonderful goodies like that, can be e-mailed to miss.morgan.blog@gmail.com. Hurry! I want mail!

This post was produced with the special help and inspiration of Madame Z. She's awesome, and Miss Morgan loves her much. SO you can send her fan-mail too at the above e-mail address.

Question #2 - How to Move On

A boy I was having a "thing" with called it off, but I can't stop thinking about him. How do I move on?

Miss Morgan: The only tried and true method I have ever found for getting over a boy quickly and painlessly is finding another one.

I know that could sound terrible, but believe me, it works, and it's not. After all, boys tend to hold a large, rather irritating power over our thoughts, and some of the only powers stronger than the woe-is-me, i-miss-him-so thoughts are the grand obsessions of a new crush.

Of course, that may not be what you want to hear, since most likely the reason you still think about him is because you still care about him. But considering the fact that from your question I get the feeling the "thing" would still be happening if you had your way, it leads me to believe he was responsible for ending it. Which probably means he isn't someone worth sticking around for anyway.

Question #1 - Crush is Misled

What do you do when your crush thinks you like someone else?

Miss Morgan: Well the first thing I would do, if I was you, is decide if you think she's interested. If you do, then that (in my own humble opinion) makes the decision to do the following a whole lot easier: since she's interested, tell her you don't like that someone else. Better yet, tell her that you like her! It's a great plan. Flawless, in fact.

If you don't want to do that last bit quite yet though, at least make it clear that you aren't interested in the person she thinks you like. If you don't know whether or not SHE is interested, still make this clear. And then you should probably follow that up with asking her to go do something fun. Like, a date. That should probably help you clear up whether or not she likes you. Hope that helps!

RRA: You have to make the girl know you like her...whether it's just telling, buying her something, bringing her on a date, just talking to her all the time or as much as possible...it all depends on the girl.

And if anyone has a question they would like answered (seriously, anyone, please, ask a question!) email it to miss.morgan.blog@gmail.com

Liking a Close Friend: Pros and Cons

As I promised, the following are the pros and cons of liking a close friend as more than a friend. as The previous post might have led someone to believe that I think there is something horribly wrong with liking a close friend; I don't, but my personal opinion is against it [an opinion I got from personal experience]. But everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and I'll try not to let mine affect my lists.

Pros:

• You're already close friends! You like spending time with this person, and they like spending time with you. That's a good start.
• You know this person well. They know things that drive you nuts, and know how not to do those. They also know your birthday, your obsession with romantically pointless movies, and other things that it takes a while to learn.
• They already know that you are certifiably insane, and they love you for it anyway. This eliminates a lot of the insecurities involved with liking someone you don't know well.
• If you're close friends, at this point you probably known and are known to most of their friends (if you aren't already friends with them). This person has also probably been approved by your friends, since the likelihood that they are friends with your friends is pretty high. That also means their friends and your friends are probably trying to help the relationship.

Cons:

• Just like the pro, you know this person well. That means all the things you know about them that aren't that great you now have to put up with in a different way. Ex. Say you know your friend has never been able to be faithful to his girlfriends. He's your friend, so you just rolled your eyes. Now YOU are interested in being his significant other...see what I mean?
• Since you two are friends, it may have never occurred to them that you could be anything other than friends. That's a tough bridge to cross.
• The whole friend thing can be just as problematic as helpful: if you like this person it's just as possible that one of your friends, who is also friends with them, does too. Maybe they announced this affection before it even occurred to you, or maybe they just announced it before you could. Either way, you have to honor that your friend 'liked them first.'
• If the feelings are returned, the trouble isn't over: a line many a girl has heard from a close friend they liked is "I don't want to ruin our friendship." It makes sense, I suppose; a break-up of any kind would almost be guaranteed to put a dent in that relationship. But what this comment really means is that your close friend would rather play it safe, even though dating you could be worth the risk. If you want to change that, it will take a lot of work on your part, and most likely that won't even change anything.

Hope those helped! If anyone has anything they would like to contribute, comment and I'll add it.

By Request: Liking a Close Friend [Personal Opinion]

REMINDER: As this blog states, if anyone reading this (if there IS anyone reading this) wants to ask a question of either me or the RRA (who is our expert on guy-related things), they can feel free to do so. I can be reached at miss.morgan.blog@gmail.com, and if a question is wished to be addressed to the RRA, merely specify and I will pass it along.

As mentioned in the title, this post is a response to a request for advice on liking a close friend. In case there is any confusion, "liking" is meant to hold more romantic connotations than what a plain old friendship would have. I was asked to list pros and cons, which I will do (in the next post: however I recommend you don't skip this one), but first I would like to share my personal opinion on the subject: don't do it.

You have to understand that liking someone as more than a friend is different from being close friends with someone, in more than just the obvious ways. The expectations and, mainly, the responsibilities, are very, very different. Friends stick by each other through every conflict they are capable of. They support each other's decisions as best as they are able, even if they don't agree with them, because that's what friends are for. They'll try to stop you from doing something detrimental to yourself, but if that's what you're going to do (without a doubt), then they will be there for you. If your boyfriend wanted to kiss another girl at a party, you wouldn't support that decision. If your crush/boyfriend promised to call and then didn't, no matter how great his explanation, you would still be hurt. If the boy you liked had a thing for a girl who wasn't you, you would hate her. Period. (And probably him too.)

Now imagine this boy is your best friend. You've always been there for him. You read the poem he wrote his girlfriend for their 6 month anniversary to make sure it was half-decent. You give him ideas of gifts to give her. You tell him everything will be OK when he thinks there is trouble. You tell him all the reasons why his girlfriend is lucky to have him when he forgets. You support him, no matter what.

Would you want to do that if his girlfriend was the one girl in the world you were dying to be? If you wanted to hate her SO badly, but instead you became her friend because you knew that would make him happy? If you had to smile and say, "That's great" when he told you he was going to ask her out, when all you wanted to do was burst into tears? Who would want to do all that??

So MAYBE, just maybe, he might like you back. And MAYBE, just maybe, he'll tell you that before he changes his mind and decides to like someone else so as not to ruin the close friendship the two of you have. And MAYBE, just maybe, the two of you will be really happy together, and (if you break up) never let it ruin the close bond the two of you have. But is it really worth the risk?

My opinion on liking a close friend as more than a friend? Avoid it at all costs. Because it will only cause you heartache in the end, and there's enough of that in the world as it is.