Term: Contentment

Contentment: the experience of satisfaction and being at ease in one's situation.

Sometimes, being single is nice. It's nice not to have to worry about all that hassle that comes with relationships. Not that being single means you don't have someone in mind, but the best kind of single is the kind with absolute contentment; you're not obsessing, you're not even really contemplating - you're just letting what happens, happen.

And so maybe you DO have an idea about someone.

That, however, does not mean you can't be content. If contentment is happiness with your situation in life, contentment with being single means you don't really know if things will happen with that person, or if it's even POSSIBLE for things to happen with that person, but you do know you're happy.

And how do you achieve this? By realizing that life is just a series of moments.

Years from now, you won't remember exactly how this person looks (unless, on the off chance things go really well, you've married them), and you won't remember the days you spent thinking of them, or the hours that you spent in their presence. What you will remember are certain moments that stood out; moments like a special smile just for you, or a joke told perfectly, or the sun on the bright green grass that the two of you sat on. These moments may have nothing to do with any romantic intention, but they'll stand out in their own, unique ways, and they'll bring you happiness.

Remembering this can help to put obsession and distress on a shelf that you never visit, and remind you that although things might not be the way you'd prefer them to be, they're still pretty damn awesome.

And if those moments will bring you happiness in the future, they'll bring it to you now, too.

Wishing you much contentment,

Commitment, a la "I Do."

There is a long-standing debate about whether or not commitment is a part of human nature.

From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense to argue that it's not. After all, is populating the world with lots of humans something that is best done with exclusivity? Perhaps not.

Of course, one can also argue that it's unnatural merely based on the seeming inability of many to stay committed to people they say "I do" to further on down the road. And yes, I am aware of the people who are married faithfully for many, many years, and have lovely lives. I am extremely happy for them, and hope to be able to have a life like that someday myself.

Unfortunately, I'm also aware of the people to whom marriage isn't much of a commitment at all. Despite the family and friends who are invited to the ceremony, despite the money spent on the dress, reception, and honeymoon, despite everything being thought through so carefully, marriage is often easily tossed aside when times become too hard, or the two involved realize their differences outnumber their similarities. Two people who once claimed to love each other and promised to do so till death did them part, part instead with half of what they owned together, less money in their pockets than they had before, and more often than not, ill feelings to the other member of the now dissolute union.

Now I personally am a bit torn on the subject of marriage. I understand why divorce is the only answer for some couples, and I'd hate to think of anyone deprived of happiness or real love by being stuck in a relationship that is the equivalent of an emotional black hole. However, I also feel that if "till death do us part" is something so lightly entered into, and so easily dissolved, then marriage loses its purpose and significance. If we can't even stay committed when we commit ourselves to the highest level of romantic commitment possible in the legal and religious world, then what CAN we commit to in a relationship?

If people don't take their vows seriously, then what are vows for?

If people can be so very convinced of their love for someone that they go through the hassle of marrying them, only to end up "falling out of love," then how can you know when someone loves you in a way that will last, or you them?

When almost half of all marriages end in divorce, what's the point in getting married when your likelihood to stay together is merely the luck of the draw? (And that's a recent statistic, mind you.)

Troublingly enough, there's no real answer to that question, at least that I'm aware of. But it IS food for thought.

Nothing's Sweeter than Sabotage

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something, and then go about making sure it doesn't happen."  -Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby WARNING: This post doesn't really try to explain anything or give advice... it just talks about the author's issues a bunch. In fact, it ASKS questions, not answers them. If you're not interested in that, wait for the next post. Since it's been over a month, I figured it was probably time for me to write another post. Lo and behold! Inspiration struck, most conveniently. And if you haven't guessed, tonight's post is about sabotage. The glorious, sweet, destructive thing that it is. But in particular, this is about the type of sabotage I am best at; self-sabotage. Inspiration came in the form of a sudden, striking urge to just end things. Things referring to a potential relationship that was potentially occurring with someone. And unlike my usual forms of self-sabotage, this one didn't occur during a trial of some sort. No, this one struck right when everything seemed to be going right. Which is perhaps a most perfect kind of sabotage, don't you think? Unfortunately, things like this rarely hurt just the intended person.  I still remember how in 4th grade I was crazy about a kid who liked someone else. I became his best friend and did my best to help him out.  When he finally realized he liked me instead, though,  I was instantly over him; needless to say it altered our friendship in not-so-positive ways, and made him pretty confused. It also led me to become obsessed with this freak circumstance, and convinced that I had some weird emotional problem that made me this my way. I even decided it was a syndrome, and named it after him. (Of course karma's a b****, and although he's definitely someone I'd be interested in now, we're not on speaking terms.) This current plague of indecisiveness on what to do with my bipolar attachments will probably lead to wrecked friendships too, if I allow it to continue. Wouldn't you think I'd have learned?? In fact, what makes people relationship-ly self-destructive in the first place? Why would someone take what previously made them happy, and wreck it? And not even for any apparent reason; under circumstances that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. My current theories are that: It signifies an inability to let yourself be vulnerable, It expresses doubt about your ability to BE in said relationship (for whatever reason), or It shows that subconsciously you're just not that invested in the relationship or person. But really, who knows? Anyone? Other theories would be appreciated. Maybe I'll make it a poll. Really, I should go to sleep... it's too late and I'm too tired to think straight. Much love,