Question #13 - Young Love?

how do you define love? do you think that teenagers can really feel it?

Agh, a hard question! I'm going to distract you with a picture while I think about it.

Photo credit goes to ClickFlashPhotos / Nicki Varkevisser 

Okay. Let me start with the first question: I personally don't have a set definition of love... how I think of it involves many different elements, and they sometimes change. But I'll do my best to describe it.

Love: they say it's finding someone you would die for, and to a certain extent I believe that; but a decision like DEATH would usually be done so suddenly, and in such a hectic, emotional, violent moment, that you wouldn't have much time to think about it, or the consequences. Considering it that way, to me it's just as important to find someone you would LIVE for, for the rest of your life.  Living for involves wiping their face and clothes off when they get violently ill all over themselves, and maybe you. Working a job you really don't like to help pay the bills, even though they're not all yours. Being willing to change where you live and how you do so because it's something they need to do, and you wouldn't want them to do it alone. Being always able to talk about anything, whether it's important or not, but not needing to talk. Being with them, and knowing that you're the truest form of you when you are. To me, those are just some of the qualities of love. 


And to answer your second question: I believe that teenagers are capable of feeling the extremely intense emotions that often play a part in falling in love with someone. The trick, though, is how they feel "after the honeymoon ends." The intensity doesn't always last, or at least it doesn't stick around consistently, and the nature of your average teenager is to live in the moment. There's more to what I consider love than just passion, or even warm fuzzy feelings... there's the enduring need to live for more than just yourself; for at least this other person. 


And while I believe that teenagers can feel more than just the first wave of emotions, it's generally against how they're conditioned to look that deep and take things that seriously. The more mature a person becomes, the more likely I believe it is that they'll be able to love genuinely. 


Hope that answered your question! And sorry if it's really long... I can't help it. 

Question #12 - Just Friends!

I'm really good friends with a guy. But a lot of my girl friends tease us about it. I'm worried that because they keep suggesting a relationship, he might freak out and our friendship will fall apart. Should I talk to him? Tell my friends to ease up?

First, it is my formal obligation as an advice-giver to read too much into your wording and ask, do you want a relationship with this guy-friend? I realize that if you're concerned about him freaking out over your friends' suggestions, you would probably do nothing about it even if you did. But that's just something to consider.

Next, I want to back up a step. You just told me that you are good friends with this guy. Not friends, but good friends. That leads me to believe that you are, well, good friends. And usually a good friend won't up and freak out because YOUR friends are trying to set the two of you up.

But are these troublesome girl friends people that he trusts and relies on? Does what they think and say usually have a strong impact on him? If so, then my first bit of advice is to talk to HIM. After all, why do you think he'll freak out? Has he done things in the past that would make you think his fight-or-flight instinct is set on flight? If your gut says the relationship-teasing is causing problems, you need to check in and ask him if it's bugging him. In fact, that's almost exactly what you should say.

"Is them saying that bothering you?" Simple, concise, and not a loaded question.

Sorry, I have a lolcat obsession.

If he says yes, then you need to be serious with your friends and tell them that you don't want a relationship, he doesn't want a relationship, and them always bringing it up is slowly starting to RUIN your friendship. If you DO want a relationship, that obviously complicates things, but if your friendship is your top priority then just go with the above response.

Now if he says no, it's up to you whether or not you tell your friends to cut it out. If a relationship with this guy is something you do/might want in the future, my recommendation is to just let them keep at it. After all, every time they bring it up, he thinks about it, whether he wants to or not. And the more you think about something, the more it tends to become part of your life. That's called the Law of Attraction, and I didn't just make it up. If you're not interested in having more than a friendship, then telling them it's getting on your nerves will probably get you some peace.

Good luck, and hope things work out the way you want them to.

Question #11 - Hot Guys = Manwhores?

Is it just me, or are all hot guys manwhores?

There's good news and bad news; the good news is, it's not just you! Actually, that's the bad news too. Hmm...

On a serious note: extremely attractive guys often DO seem to be equally promiscuous. Is that a universal truth? Probably not. (Note the 'probably'...)

I do have a theory, though. Attractive people in general tend to be more self-confident; they receive more praise and attention throughout their lives. This results from a subconscious human misconception that beauty means goodness, which dates back to primal evolutionary survival techniques.

For example: If you were a peacock, would you mate with the dull, average looking peacock, or the one with fantastic feathers? The second's pretty plumage indicates two things: one, it has good genes, and two, it has really good genes. After all, it not only looks nice; it's also boss/smart/healthy/fast enough to have the free time to groom itself. In other words, your little pea-chicks will probably survive in the big bad world.

Thank you, Mrs. Bessy, for giving me the biology knowledge
to write the above paragraph. 

We, however, are not talking about peacocks. The point of that example was to show that the human desire to be surrounded by attractive people very much exists, if not on a conscious level. Therefore these attractive people become accustomed to having a "following"; they learn to be charismatic and approachable, which makes them popular and very good at working a crowd.

But it does more than just that! For at least a decently large percentage of the "attractive" population (dare I say males especially?), it gives them a sense of entitlement; all these people are attracted to them, so don't they have the right, if not obligation, to make use of it? Whether it be excessive flirting or promiscuity, it tends to go down like that.

Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone/male that society would deem as attractive; some of those people are rude, obnoxious, have morals, or have an affinity to commitment.

(That last bit was kind of a joke. What I meant to say, question-asker, was that there are some "hot guys" out there who aren't players. I wish you luck in finding them.)

xoxo,

Self Esteem

In this day and age, people constantly hear that there is someone out there who will love them unconditionally, for exactly who they are.

Now whether or not this is true (but of course I'd like to believe it is), there are those out there who are plagued by the belief that they will find few, if any, people to love them for their entire selves. These people often feel the need to be reassured of others' affections for them, and that brings me to the point of this post: today's daily dose of Chocolate Needed is brought to you by a friend of mine's poor self-esteem, and his need for positive affirmation.

The face of poor self-esteem.

As you can see in the above photo, said friend is so self-conscious that he must cover half of his face with a fake flower.

The point: this friend is very cool. He is, in fact, quite awesome, and it is extremely upsetting that he has such a dangerously low vision of himself. I do the best I can to prevent him from falling into a pit of self-loathing, but it can be hard.

That is why I'm asking you, my dear readers, to do your part. With just a low monthly donation of 100 dollars, you too can be a self-esteem saver. To learn more about donating, visit the Facebook page of Michael Wood. He needs it.

Much love,


P.S. But on a serious note, I should probably add that low self-esteem is a genuinely difficult thing, and we should all compliment people, because it's nice and it makes them feel good about themselves.

"I like your hair. It feels very soft."

Breakups Part Two: How Things Feel.

Right? Found here.

Happiness and Inspirational Messages,

Question #10 - Can I Have Plans Now?

So this guy I'm dating asked me if I had plans; I wasn't sure if I wanted to hang out with him, but I didn't have plans, so I said "not yet." Now I'm trying to GET plans because I don't want to see him tonight, but I don't want to be rude... what should I have said??

Why, I'm so glad that you asked! This question is, as far as I'm concerned, very easy to answer. As I said in my previous post (Ridin' Solo), one of the great things about not being in a relationship is not having to answer to the whims of your significant other. You're dating this guy, but he's not your boyfriend? Hey, don't feel so obligated! If you don't feel like hanging out with him, you don't have to. After all, it's not like the two of you signed the contract of relationship-dom; you're not even supposed to want to spend all your time with this guy. You're allowed to have a life!

So what do you say?

Here's a tip I consider invaluable:

If you're not sure, you ALWAYS have plans. You can 'cancel' plans if you change your mind, but you can't create them after you've been asked. 

Creating plans after you've already said you had none is most definitely rude. That states, very forwardly, that you are avoiding the person who wants to spend time with you. That may be true, and there are times when you might want to be rude in order to get a point across; but if you're just not sure where you stand, don't do something you might regret.

Good Luck!