“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something, and then go about making sure it doesn't happen." -Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
WARNING: This post doesn't really try to explain anything or give advice... it just talks about the author's issues a bunch. In fact, it ASKS questions, not answers them. If you're not interested in that, wait for the next post.
Since it's been over a month, I figured it was probably time for me to write another post. Lo and behold! Inspiration struck, most conveniently. And if you haven't guessed, tonight's post is about sabotage. The glorious, sweet, destructive thing that it is. But in particular, this is about the type of sabotage I am best at; self-sabotage.
Inspiration came in the form of a sudden, striking urge to just end things. Things referring to a potential relationship that was potentially occurring with someone. And unlike my usual forms of self-sabotage, this one didn't occur during a trial of some sort. No, this one struck right when everything seemed to be going right.
Which is perhaps a most perfect kind of sabotage, don't you think?
Unfortunately, things like this rarely hurt just the intended person.
I still remember how in 4th grade I was crazy about a kid who liked someone else. I became his best friend and did my best to help him out. When he finally realized he liked me instead, though, I was instantly over him; needless to say it altered our friendship in not-so-positive ways, and made him pretty confused. It also led me to become obsessed with this freak circumstance, and convinced that I had some weird emotional problem that made me this my way. I even decided it was a syndrome, and named it after him. (Of course karma's a b****, and although he's definitely someone I'd be interested in now, we're not on speaking terms.)
This current plague of indecisiveness on what to do with my bipolar attachments will probably lead to wrecked friendships too, if I allow it to continue. Wouldn't you think I'd have learned??
In fact, what makes people relationship-ly self-destructive in the first place? Why would someone take what previously made them happy, and wreck it? And not even for any apparent reason; under circumstances that make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
My current theories are that:
But really, who knows? Anyone? Other theories would be appreciated. Maybe I'll make it a poll. Really, I should go to sleep... it's too late and I'm too tired to think straight.
Much love,
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